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: Begging the Question

The wisdom of age?

By "Milbarge" and "Fitz-Hume"

At what age are you expected to know who you are? I don't mean this in the existential form. At what age should you have assessed your personality as it pertains to other people? I've wondered this off and on for a while now, but it was recently brought back up by one of my wife's co-workers.

Disclaimer: I have never met this guy.

My wife has talked for a while now about a co-worker of hers, let's call him Jack. Jack is constantly demeaning of anyone with kids, and makes a big show about how much he doesn't like kids in front of co-workers that have them. He also talks in a very degrading way about his wife, consistently and to the point it makes other people uncomfortable. Well, Jack and his wife had been arguing about something (or everything, I'm a little unclear on that point). According to Mrs. Haff, Jack went home at lunch because in his words, "I've decided to give in." (very big of him) When Jack got home, he found an empty house and the first draft of the divorce papers. Not to get into how impressed I am with the wife's planning to have an entire house emptied in 4 hours, but those are some serious organizational skills. Anyway, Jack is completely broken up about losing his wife, but he is completely clueless as to why she left or what he could have possible done wrong.

Jack is in his early 40's. Now I am of the opinion that if you reach your early 40's and are an asshole, then you should at the very least be aware of that fact. I'm not saying he has to change who he is, but you have to have some idea. To reach what is essentially middle age and not have a clue as to how your behavior affects the people around you (especially your wife) seems inexcusable.

I've often wondered at what age you stop getting a free pass for being socially ignorant. My completely unscientific and gut level feeling is that it's somewhere in the pretty late 20's. For ease of theory I've rounded it up to 30 even. Once you are thirty, you are required to have a certain fundamental understanding of yourself.

If you are a bad driver, you need to know that and be prepared for the consequences. Extra car insurance might be a good idea. If you are a push-over who gets taken advantage of at every turn, you need to know that and adjust accordingly. Bring along a better negotiator when buying a used car, for instance. If you are a complete dick who is condescending to the woman he married, you need to know that. Not being surprised when she finally gets fed up and leaves you ass, to give a random example.

Anyway, I'm open to be swayed on this. Not on the actual theory, but on the age at when it fully kicks in.

Full post as published by Begging the Question on November 11, 2007 (boomark / email).