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A Modest Proposal: Here's to More Cheating in Sports!

By Roy Peter Clark

For the record, I'm against torture and I'm against cheating in sports. Sort of.

Over the next few days, journalists will be having a field day (sports metaphor) covering and commenting upon the revelations in the Mitchell Report about steroid abuse in baseball. On sports talk radio, on ESPN, on newspaper pages, among bloggers, and even, perhaps, from the halls of Congress, we will endure lots of high-minded homilies about the evils of cheating and the virtues of creating an even playing field.

But here's what I think: I think sports are much more interesting to cover and to read about when there is cheating involved. Over the last century, some of the most powerful and provocative stories have come from the world of sports cheating -- from the 1919 Black Sox Scandal to a modern point-shaving NBA referee.

In the fake world of professional wrestling, fans admire perennial champ Rick Flair as the "dirtiest player in the game." And we've always held a special place in our hearts for the clever and daring cheaters, like spit-baller Gaylord Perry, ball-scuffer Whitey Ford, bat-corker Sammy Sosa, knee-breaker Tonya Harding, head-hunter Sal Maglie, not to mention all the sign-stealers among the 1951 New York Giants.

Cheating makes all sports more interesting: figure skating (remember the crooked judges?), track and field (oh, to have dated one of those East German women), horse-racing, cycling, hockey, soccer, auto-racing, boxing, marathon running (where are you Rosie Ruiz?), not to mention every golfer in America who has ever improved a lie or taken a mulligan. Even the cricket isn't always cricket. The rabid fascination with the New England Patriots' drive for a perfect season is fueled in part by the Spygate scandal that turned Coach Bill Belichick into Snidely Whiplash. 

Journalism isn't the only field that benefits from the darker experiences of human nature. Without disease, there are no doctors. Without sin, there are no ministers. Without real crime and lurid headlines, there are no episodes of "Law & Order."

So let's please, my fellow sports lovers and writers, hold the outrage and sanctimony down to touchdown-celebration roar. Without our rogues and scoundrels, we are like ticks without dogs. Angels, we all know, make better role models. But devils make better drinking buddies.

Full post as published by Writing Tools on December 13, 2007 (boomark / email).