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Law Humor
: Bernard MadoffMadoff 's Son Leads Class Action Against Picard et al; A Madoff Mazel to Mark Dreier!
Ebay just took down that stupid offer to sell the customer list, so I guess you finally did something right to earn some of that $1million retainer!! But for God's sake--the damn thing is all over the Internet for FREE!!!
Even CNBC was letting people download it until Janey Wells called up their legal department to tell them ...STOP!!!
Listen Ira--Mel Weiss is in the clink, or I'd be calling him...he's the expert in class actions, so I need you to initiate a class action against Picard on behalf of all of the account holders. Sue the f--king Southern District Court, too!! If you have to, sue the f--king ham sandwich that Barney Fife (I mean Frank ) is munching on!!
Andy is going to be the lead plaintiff on this. Mark would be the co-lead plantiff, but he already pulled his money out, even though his home address is on that list too. The Delaire's really shouldn't be on plantiff list either-they took their money out a few months ago.
And there's a bunch of other people that I can red line that took their money out before the shit hit the fan too.. But lets not spend a lot of time on that, their SIPC claims have already been submitted..
But Ira, its un-f--king believable that people's personal addresses have been publicly disclosed in such an irresponsible manner!!! Where's that guy Markopolos when you need him??
Do you realize that every ambulance chaser, every real estate broker, and every jewlery district goniff is going to be mass mailing these people tomorrow??
And what about all the money these people are going to have to be spending on new security systems??? Do you think everyone can afford the $7000 a day that Ruth is spending on security guards for our place??!!!
Of course not! Sure, Walter can. And so can Ezra, and so can Sonny and Sonny...and so can a bunch of others, but half of Boca Raton is going to need to be surround by armed guards now!
What do you mean "Why do I care about all of these people??"
Ira--don't ask stupid questions! I don't give a rat's ass about them personally, but some of those people are going to be re-investing in MIDAS, and in Madoff Mania Inc., our new premium company! You think we can just sell toilet paper out of the apartment??
Oy vey Ira....this thing is out of control!Jodi-Get that other website up, the one offering discounted printer cartridges--I'm guessing we can at least try to make some money out of this...Those ambulance chasers, and all of those other pimps that are going to be doing mass mailings are going to need plenty of printer cartridges!Last: I told you that the bath robe thing would work! Just make sure you f--king dry clean the one I lent you before you send it back! And tell Shargel that he needs to send me back the other bath robe. If he wore it, he needs to have his dry cleaned too! When you get back home on Monday, I've got a great list of restaurants that deliver, I'll fax it to you later. I read that you have to remove all of the knives in your co-op before they let you back in, so I'll make sure there's plenty of good soup restaurants on the list. And, you'll definitely want to be ordering in from Sable's.. They'll slice the bagels for you before they send them over! If you want, I also have a great list of prospective investors for you. 15,000 in the list, although a bunch are duplicates..and a bunch are probably dead by now. But, I'm guessing the average net worth of the list is over $10 mil. Well, maybe not $10 mil; December was a rough month for most of them. But you can have the whole list for just $49.95. But I need you to pay cash. None of your fancy promissory notes. I read the Judge is also forcing you spend $200k/mo for security guards. What a waste of money, right? But the good thing is those guys come in handy when you need to have food or dry cleaning picked up. Trust me on that!
From: Bernie Madoff
To Mark DreierMazel on the Judge's decision to let you go back to your co-op on Park!!
Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on February 05, 2009 (boomark / email).
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