Law Humor

Bernie's Sunday Brunch in Sands Point

Talk about gorgeous days!

First, I want to send a note of thanks to Regina Joyer, over at the Pre-Trial Services Dept. for realizing that being cooped up in the co-op with Ruth would make anyone nuts, especially when the weather is so nice today.

And, since I'm allowed out to visit my lawyer, this is a perfect day for a drive out to Ira's place in Roslyn and catch up. Its not like Mr. Irving Picard has got the keys to all of our cars!

Ira-I'm thinking that a late lunch at Louie's Shore Restaurant in Port Washington is the perfect place to meet. There are some people over in Sands Point that might stop in to say hi too.

Next: Speaking of nuts- to Al Sharpton:

Dear Mr. Sharpton:

I saw you downstairs making a commotion of yourself yesterday. Everybody's got an opinion, just like everybody's got an a--hole. And, from where I was watching from, it was easy to figure out that what most people say about you is true.

But, everybody's also entitled to their five minutes of fame, and I'm a forgive and forget kind of guy. So, here's the two minutes of fame you were looking for, and I'll even include your photo, in case anyone forgets what you look like.

Let's see if I can make something clear to you:

I haven't even been indicted for anything, and in this country, the laws are perfectly clear when it comes to bail. Yes, I worked hard and could afford to post bail and return to home. And, yes its a penthouse. Is it unfair that people who are arrested for violent crimes and don't have the money to post bail are sitting in Rikers Island? Life isn't fair, Mr. Sharpton. Its that simple.

But they're getting three squares a day, right? So, go stand on a soap box and rant about something that make sense.

BTW- If you think its fun being cooped up with Ruth all day, trust me, its not. She's becoming a real nudge.

Next:
Speaking of nudge's. I have to thank the NY Times for today's story profiling Dick Thaler's study about nudges. (Al-if you know how to read, pick up a copy of today's edition).

The first part of the article mentions the pishers at the Amserdam Airport. They maintenance department etched in little photos of flies into each one, and then they discovered that spillage fell by 80%. Thaler, who not only teaches at University of Chicago, but is also a partner of Fuller & Thaler Asset Mgt, says that positive nudging can be a great idea.

Exactly why my friend Robbie Weinberg made the Madoff Pisher Pads!!
Scroll down the right column of my blog and order some. $49 for a case of 12. A great investment!

Next:
To: Bob Silverman, PSSC Consulting, Westport CT
cc: Richard Cummings, Jr., President Westport National Bank

Bob:
It took Diana Henriques over at the NYT to point me to her story from Saturday's edition.
I can't say that I'm happy about what I read.

Bob-when we met, I had no f--king idea that you were charging investors a 4% management fee, on top of the deal that you and I discussed.

If your investors were earning 11% on assets, and if you two guys were actually charging a 4% fee on those assets, that means that you were charging almost 40% of what they earned!

To do what, exactly??? I did all of the f--king work, including sending out the statements to you people!

Just like I told Stan Chais out in LA--if you're going to be greedy, you're going to find yourself in a shit pile of trouble.

Here's what you two guys need to do: Order yourselves a few cases of Madoff's Toilet Paper. Scroll to the column on the right. No discounts for you two goniffs!

BTW- I sent a note over to Steve Harbeck about this. There's no way he's going to treat each of those people as being covered by SIPC. Trust me. But, if you need some BMIS brokerage stationary, call up Jodi. She, or Frank D. might be able to get you something more official before the March filing deadline. If you want something printed up, we're going to have include the cost of the printer cartridges. 4% management fee on a program that was only paying 11%??

Cummings--I don't know you, and I can't figure out why your customers didn't simply by CD's from your cockamie bank. Maybe you didn't offer them any, how would I know?

But, I'll do you a favor and give you some free advice. We all know that your depositors put in less than $30 million in total; so they didn't lose "$60 million." Instead of racking up tons of legal expenses, you're better off paying them out of the capital in your bank. It'll probably bankrupt you guys, but the FDIC will cover each account for $250k, so that should help.

Next: To John Thain:

John- You've got a PR problem on your hands, and I told you that jabbering to that Maria Baritoromo was going to back fire. Oy.

I know that it wasn't you that put all of those toxic bonds onto Merrill's books, and sure, it was a great f--king move making sure that cash bonuses were paid before anyone knew what was going on.

I should have only have moved that quick, but my two idiot sons crapped in their pants and the f--king bonus checks that I wrote only ended up going to a couple of people. But that's water under the bridge. So I say, Forgive and forget!

You did a great job of wrangling that deal with Ken Lewis. I don't care what anybody says. A classic example of what they taught you at Goldman Sachs. You're still aces in my book, and if you need me over the next few hours--blackberry me. The deck at Louie's in Port Washington has great reception.

Last: I noticed some smarty pants posted what he thought was a funny comment to yesterday's update...something about a transcript from the secret testimony that I made to the Senate Committee that's asking a lot of stupid of questions.

Sure, I knew that Megan Cheung over at SEC! She was the one that said our hiring Eric Swanson would take a load off of her shoulders. As far as her letters back to us about her getting emails from that Markopolos through the SEC "TIPS program", I let Peter handle that. He's the guy that knows how to handle tits.

And, no, I didn't think she was really Connie Chung's sister. But I do like Chinese food. . Pig Heaven is my favorite Chinese restaurant in NY. Look it up yourself, and tell them Bernie sent you!

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on February 08, 2009 (boomark / email).