Law Humor

Accounting for the Accountants: Walk Backwards. Don't Bend Over.

I know that you're trying to do the right thing, but its going to be a circus here again today, so don't let your Mother come this morning.

Just you. She'll understand.

Andy is too busy whining about why you got $22 mil and he only got $9 mil. I thought a Wharton education might have made him smarter. But you're the oldest, so I'm counting on you right now.

Yes. I know about David F. He did what his father-in-law told him to do, and he can take care of himself, don't worry.

Konigsberg can take care of himself too. We talked about this. And they can both can get themselves a copy of the book that's pictured on the right. So can a few other people. Sonja included. So can Frankie D. Its going to come in handy for all of them. Especially if they want to audition for a part in Midasty. More about that later.

The good news is that Paul, up on the left, can come out smelling like a rose. He's going to package tax shelter deals, and as confusing as it reads, the IRS update from yesterday makes this a winner.

Sure its hard to understand, but if the f--king Treasury Secretary can't figure out the tax code, how can they expect anyone else to?? But the bottom line is that everyone is going to be able to put their tax loss carry forwards into pools, and then Paul is going to sell them as units. So can accountants all over the place.

Half of the former AIG people have already commited to buying units--and Greenberg sent me a txt and said it was pure genius. He wishes he had thought of it. Dick Fuld has already signed up to buy $3 million worth, so has Thain. These people need to figure out how to offset those future revenue payments from employment contracts, and we can help. Trust me. I'm getting twittered by accountants in every part of the country that want to license our new "spit tax" strategy.

There's a very smart guy in Tampa that's already helping out people in Florida with advice. He knows the real estate angles, and he knows the tax angles. I'm only recommending him because his Dad got clipped by Sonny C. and the guy is trying to make a living and help his folks. I've poured over the list, and there's a lot of people in Florida that would want to talk to this guy.

OK, so a few days in solitaire is making me reflective. Anyway, he's trying to be discrete, they should click here to get his info.

Speaking of accountants--and about accountants that are busy speaking. There's a guy in CT that I heard about, and since you live there, you should call him. He sounds like a smart young kid. I read about him when I logged on the internet in the library here. If I lived in CT, I'd be calling him. If I didn't think he was as clean as your kid's tush, I probably would have told you to have him do your returns years ago.

OK, so I'm reflecting. This place isn't so much fun. Janey Wells already talked to a guy that had the cell that I'm in before I got here. That's fine. She's going to get Immelt to pay $10 million for the interview, and your mother could use the cash income. F--k those people from "ET".

Who would have thought, right?

Just make sure you bring in some extra Madoff TP when you come today. Its true that they only give us one roll for a week. After the bag of your Mother's rugelah that they let me bring in, one roll won't make it. Trust me. Scroll to the right and click Buy Now.

I know..that was a soft pitch for the people that are reading, which according to the traffic logs, includes half of f^*king Washington DC, and a bunch of other people from the office that are crapping in their pants after they heard about Friehling.

But I need to keep busy; there's a lot of investors expecting returns from Madoff Mania LLC and I don't want to disappoint them. Especially Sonja's people.

But Polish should have already sent you a care package for me. If he hasn't, bring in some of the pisher pads. The people here say that I can make a small fortune with those things, there's something like 100 urinals in this building, and everyone says they work great as mousepads too. And they all want commissions. Scroll to the right again.

No bagels. Thanks. Just make sure to leave a tip. The extra cash goes places here. Scroll to the right.
Dad.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 19, 2009 (boomark / email).