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Cyberspace safe-crackers needed; no hacksaw necessary, just a mafia nickname,

By Steve Lombardi

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Today's lesson is how to profit from your past criminal activity. Coming from an Italian this should come as no great surprise. Like Capone, and others we Italians strive to create enterprise where none previously existed.

Who says crime doesn't pay? In this case it does pay along with health, dental, disability, life and a 401K plan. You could end up working with corporations like General Dynamics, the Pentagon, Homeland Security; a task force of technology giants that includes representatives from General Dynamics, IBM, Lockheed Martin and Hewlett-Packard Co has an interest in putting you on the payroll. Come one call all ye hackers!

Hack, hack, hack! Isn't this a great country?

If you are a computer hacker the U.S. government needs your knowledge. Age may make no difference; just what you can tell them about how hackers operate in cyberspace. If you're not a hacker yet but aspire to be one, then you'll need a degree in hacking that includes subjects like Hacker 101. Remember anything is possible in life, even making a living off of criminal activity so long as you're using that knowledge to catch criminals.

MAKING THE GRADE AND GRADUATING TO A MADE-MAN FOR UNCLE SAM

To graduate you'll need to know how to talk like a made-man. I'd suggest you visit Mob Speak-Talk like the Mafia Talk and please by all means pick up the Mafia Dictionary. After graduation you will be able to talk the talk as you walk the walk; unless of course you're busy sleeping with the fish. If watching the Soprano's confuses you, then get to work learning the lingo of the Sopranos. No one person every said being a made-man was easy.

'You got a shylock with a beef because you haven't paid your juice? He tell you he's going to whack you, or that you will to have a debt counseling session with some guys? You don't know what he's talking about? Well, then you shouldn't have been messing there in the first place, but listen up and I'll let you in on some of the lingo.'

NICKNAMES COUNT IN DIS BUSINESS

Once you obtain a degree in hackerology it will be necessary for you to obtain a new nickname. With sons named Stephen (Sonny), Nicholas (Little Nicky) and Carmino (Carmine) I've got to have a few that I'm willing to suggest for the hacker-that-has-everything. Come graduation you may wish to consider some of my favorites. They include:

Carmine "The Doctor" Lombardozzi,
Stephen "Stevie Coogan" Grammauta,
Paul "Big Paulie" Castellano,
Jimmy "The Chop" "Marini,
Ciro "The Artichoke King" Terranova
Giuseppe "Joe The Boss" Masseria
Salvatore "Charlie 'Lucky' Luciano" Luciana
Frank "Don Cheech" "Ciccio" Scalise
Johnny "Crap Foot"Gambini
Ants 'Ice Man' Zamboni
Vincenzo "The Egg" Cotroni
Anthony "Sonny" Ciccone
Carmine "Charlie Wagons" Fatico
Angelo "Angie" Ruggiero
Nicholas "Little Nick" Corozzo
Joseph Bonanno (Joey Bananas)

THE MAFIA NAME GENERATOR

If you haven't yet found a mafia name worth your pedigree you can always visit The Mafia Name Generator. It's gender sensitive. For me my new name is Buggly Eyes Bruno and for my wife Barbara Anne (Tubridy) Lombardi they suggest Stella the Mouse. For President Obama he'll hereafter be known as Fabrizio the Pimp. Our news editor at the IB (Jane Akre) will be known as Headless Ruth Santoro. My mother, Doris Theresa Lombardi will be Carla Gallo (A different family than the Napa clan.). Write to me and I'll provide you with the must have mafia mob mobster movie list, no surprise that I collect Pacino, DeNiro and mafia-gangster DVD movies. Now back to the boring stuff.

LEGALLY ORGANIZED CRIME (NO, NOT THE LOTTERY, that was last weeks post.)

To understand the federal Government check out this site. It prides itself on being the who, what, where, when, why and how of the United States Government.

You may even download published government reports from all the different departments.

For General Dynamics check out Job Central, the National Labor Exchange. You can search by city, state, job type or past criminal experience.

Browse General Dynamics Jobs by State

Browse General Dynamics Jobs by City

Just remember that if you work as a cyberspace safe cracker, even for the Government of the United States then follow the Ten Commandments.

Ten Commandments

1. No one can present himself directly to another of our friends. There must be a third person to do it.

2. Never look at the wives of friends.

3. Never be seen with cops.

4. Don't go to pubs and clubs.

5. Always being available for Cosa Nostra is a duty - even if your wife is about to give birth.

6. Appointments must absolutely be respected.

7. Wives must be treated with respect.

8. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth.

9. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families.

10. People who can't be part of Cosa Nostra: anyone who has a close relative in the police, anyone with a two-timing relative in the family, anyone who behaves badly and doesn't hold to moral values.