Legal Commentary

The Sixteen Types of Lawyers, and Other Observations from a Lawyer with a Weblog: Inside The Legal Underground

By Evan Schaeffer

I always wondered what my more whimsical blog posts would look like if they were organized less like a weblog and more like a book. They'd look something like this . . .

I. The Sixteen Types of Lawyers

• The Big Firm Summer Associate
  
• The Lawyer Who Advertises on TV 
• The Lawyer Who Carries Another Lawyer?s Briefcase 
• The Lawyer Who Brings Her Breast Pump to the Office 
• The Mafia Lawyer 
• The Modest Lawyer 
• The Partner Who Talks Too Fast 
• The Partner Who Golfs 
• The Lawyer on the Run 
• The Lawyer Who's in the Wrong Profession 
• The Lawyer from the Planet Og 
• The Lawyer Who's Writing a Legal Thriller 
• The Stereotypical Lawyer 
• The Associate Who Knows Where the Bodies Are Buried 
• The Lawyer with the Shiny New Gadget 
• The Associate Who Finally Gets a Chance to Meet the Senior Partner

II. An Introduction to Lawyers for Those Who Have Not Yet Had the Pleasure of Being Introduced

An Introduction to the Typical Lawyer

How to Feed a Lawyer

How to Dress a Lawyer

Living with a Lawyer

III. Four Things That Are Important to Every Lawyer

The Lawyer's Briefcase

The Circle of Advisors

A Giant Brain

A Satisfying Hobby

IV. Bling Bling for Wealthy Lawyers

Watches

Big-Ass Yachts

High Class Call Girls

V. The Advice Section

Advice to Clients of Lawyers

• "Last night in a fit of rage . . ."

Advice to Young Lawyers

• "I am a young female attorney . . ."
• "I have been assigned to work on a large project . . ."
• "Sometimes when things get particularly stressful . . . "
• "I?m a third-year associate in a firm of 2,500 lawyers . . ."
• "I am a lawyer who recently became engaged to a woman . . ."
• "This week on Legal Underground, you said you doubted . . ."
• "I?m a young male associate who?s wondering if . . ."
• "I love literature of all kinds . . ."
• "I hope you think this is a problem . . ."
• "As a second-year associate at a large law firm . . ."
• "Back when my new girlfriend Kristen . . ."
• "I should have thought twice about . . ."
• "Two hours ago I was sitting . . ."
• "Many months ago, I was assigned to . . ."
• "I?m in a terrible bind . . ."

• "I?m a 15-year-old high school freshman . . ."
• "I?ve never doubted that I?m much . . ."
• "With only minor exceptions, I am a perfect husband . . ."

Advice to Law Professors

• "I am having a major dispute . . ."
• "I've lost faith in our country?s system . . ."

• "By way of introduction, I am one of the hardest-working . . ."
• "On the way into work this morning . . ."
• "I am a federal judge who has a weblog . . ."

Advice to Law Firm Partners

• "For years, I have never had any problem . . ."
• "Not long ago, I introduced my fairly ordinary wife . . ."
• "I?m writing using a pseudonym . . ."

VI. Debates Between the Experienced Lawyer and the Law Student

VII. Some Personal Reminiscences

A Few of My Favorite Things

A Detour for Shameless Name-Dropping: Christopher Hitchens

Some Travel Writing

The Horror of One Lawyer's First Deposition

Life on the Mississippi, or One Lawyer's Gambling Confession

Blawg Review #38: Secrets of the Legal Underground, Revealed

VIII. The Best of the Rest

The Trial Lawyer?s Prayer

A Layman?s Glossary to the Terminology of Tort Reform

Partnership, a Story

Tragedy Strikes the Blawging World: Fifty of the Best Perish

Is TheBarAfterWork a Valuable Networking Tool or Just for the Drunks?

How I Became A Famous Weblogger and Achieved Rock Star Status as a Lawyer

Full post as published by Notes from the (Legal) Underground on June 25, 2009 (boomark / email).