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: A Public Defender's Life in Alaska

So, I have a confession to make. I am thinking of leaving Alaska. Truly. I don't want to go. I don't know where we would go. I don't know how. And it isn't just because it is March and we got another 3 or 4 inches of snow today. It isn't just losing a big trial. It is a lot of reasons. First, the wife hates it here. Hates it. She'll be mad at me for telling the world this, but so be it. I guess that is reason enough. But there is more. I miss things living here. I miss owning a horse. Could I do it here? Sure, if I want to pay $600 a ton (or more) for hay. Imagine that times 2 or 3 horses x 8 months of winter and not enough land to let them graze anyways? I miss gardens. Fruit trees. I miss Spring. Makes me think of the trapper in Jeremiah Johnson. "March is a green,muddy month down below. Some folks like it. Farmers mostly". Funny. The whole reason I went to law school was to earn enough to have a farm one day. Can it be done here? I suppose. There are other reasons too. Maybe I just need to stop looking at seed catalogs. Maybe I invested too much of myself in that last trial. I didn't even know I dropped my head until I saw the photo. Maybe I just need to drink myself through March and April...months I should be out in my garden. I don't know. I probably won't go. But I have started in one corner of the house. I ripped up carpet. Am painting...laying new flooring. Thinking of calling a realtor.....I don't want to move backwards again. But I miss the green. Growing things. A wife whose face doesn't fall when she looks outside the window. Losing a trial and riding my horse. I have a picture of Winston Churchill above my desk. I think of his words...There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. It may be time to go. I know myself. And I know how I feel right now. It may be time to go.

Full post as published by A Public Defender's Life in Alaska on March 08, 2010 (boomark / email).