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How to Decipher a Want Ad for a Firecracker

By Lynne DeVenny

Ya'll know I'm a fool for the legal staff want ads, so I was tickled to stumble across this ad for a Legal Secreatary (man, the spellcheck hates this) and "BEST OF THE BEST" (I am always suspicious of ALL CAPS, DO I LOOK DEAF?!?) in Adelaide, Australia:

Are you a Legal Secretary who wants to take charge? Are you a Legal Secretary that wants to work in a stylish boutique? Are you a Legal Secretary that wants to work in a casual and relaxed environment? If you have answered ?yes? to all of the above, then do we have the role for you!!

Work for a firm were you can actually come in casuals! No 5 minutes is the same, this firm will encourage the right candidate to evolve and make the role their own. As the advanced legal secretary that you are you will be required to manage two energetic partners and provide secretarial support to the firm. You will be the only one who makes the decisions! You get to run the show in respects to being the office coordinator making sure that the day to day work flow is impeccable. As part of this prestigious role you will be required to manage the debt collection, administrative support function by way of wills, estates, residential and lease agreements.

With your fire cracker approach and your vivacious personality, you will be the envy of all legal secretaries in Adelaide. No low end or high end job you will rate, you will have the complete understanding that you are it! Who can offer onsite parking? Who will let you wear jeans to work? And who can honestly let you be your true self?

Having that conveyancing experience, dept collecting knowledge and the PCLaw know how you will be guaranteed pole position. It?s bound to happen sooner or later. Why don?t you make it now! I encourage you to take that leap and come play with this fabulous duo!

I have just a few questions, although I have succumbed to the exclamatory copy-writing, and am all pumped up about a job on another continent! (To show I'm down with the local lingo, dig a hole and bury me, 'cause it just doesn't get better than this!)

Wait, hang on a tick, Sheila. First, which is it - a stylish boutique or a place where I can schlep around in my fave Lee Jeans (with or without tummy control)?

Second, by taking charge, running the show, being the only one to make decisions, and making sure that the day to day work flow is impeccable, does that mean I'm it? Do I have to buy and make the coffee, generate all the bills and lick the envelopes to mail them in, and transcribe everyone's dictation while still managing to look pretty cute in my fave Lee Jeans (without tummy control, because frankly I'm gonna need a lot of cookies to maintain my explosive adrenaline levels).

Third, when you say "come play with this fabulous duo," frankly, you make me nervous. Maybe I don't want to be the envy of all legal secretaries in Adelaide, or have the guaranteed pole position (are there any other cars on the track?). Maybe I want a few five minutes to be the same.

Now that I think about it, I'm fine with leaving my Lee Jeans and my true self at home, and giving up the prestige to someone a heck of a lot more zingy then me. The last time I had the complete understanding that I was it, it was late Sunday night before a major trial, and the copy machine was jammed at all 26 letters of the alphabet, the expert witness had left his jacket and tie in another state, and all I had to eat all day was the remaining two crackers from an open pack of Nabs that I found under the front seat of my car.

Good luck to the future envy of all the legal secretaries in Adelaide. She might need it, 'cause whoever gets the pole position may have a few roos loose in the top paddock.

Full post as published by Practical Paralegalism on August 16, 2010 (boomark / email).