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How to Make Boalt Suck

Howdy folks,

Today in our installment of "How to Make Boalt Suck" we're going to discuss how to leave passive aggressive notes in the study shacks in the library (or whatever they're called).

First, the text of our example note:

These carrels are meant to be available to all students. 'Reserving' them by leaving your computer for hours is inappropriate and unfair to others wishing to study. Please do not do this again.

As you can see, the note achieves admirable levels of passive aggressive gunning. Let me break it down for you so that you, too, can master the technique of library note gunning:

1. False authority. Make demands that you have no right to make and no way to enforce. End the note with a command that sounds serious but you know you cannot back up.

2. Be anonymous. The use of false authority along with anonymity bring the note up to truly magnificent levels passive aggressiveness. They'll think you could be anyone or everyone and it spares you having to actually be accountable for your behavior towards another law student. This step is crucial.

3. Liberal use of smear quotes. Don't like a "word," use a fucking smear quote! It makes you seem way more sarcastic and your criticism will be that much more pointed.

4. Cite a value most people will agree with and then pervert it to your gain. It's "unfair" for individuals to take up study spaces, but it's not unfair for you to use these tactics to make them feel bad about it.

5. Be inaccurate in your complaint. Use terms like "hours" instead of the real amount of time, which was more like 50 minutes.

6. Finally, and most importantly, complain at the least logical time to do so. Don't wait until exams or when the library's packed, make your complaint when you're not even inconvenienced! The fact that there are multiple other seating options directly next to the study cubby in question makes this note even more powerful and effective.

Follow these simple steps, kids, and we, too, can have a law school that sucks. Just ask the kids at UC...oh sorry, out of time!

(Thanks to DS for showing us this amazing example!)

Full post as published by Nuts & Boalts on February 16, 2011 (boomark / email).