Academic

I read this book last week, on the plane home from Paris where I had gone with a school team for an international mediation competition at the International Chamber of Commerce.  It was a perfect time to read it?when I was already weighing the importance of work versus family; or, as I ironically noted to myself, being home to quiz my sons on their French homework versus admittedly having a great time polishing my own French. 

And perhaps that is the reason that the book resonates particularly with working moms.  First, as other posts have noted, how does she manage to do everything?  And, second, as Christy has just noted in her post, am I trading my work?another law review article, a talk at a school, etc?for my children?s homework?  Wouldn?t their grades be better if I were home more?  Of course, these questions aren?t new to this book. Any working mom has questioned herself?even without the pop culture mommy wars.  I am quite confident that I would publish more law review articles without kids.  I am also quite confident that my house would be neater, kids homework done sooner, and better food in the fridge if I did not work.   And finally, I am confident that I would not be happier at either end.  The balance is life?that?s what makes this fun and interesting. [And now, as I am trying to finish this post, how can I not take a break when my youngest wants to snuggle?  I mean how many more years will he still want to do that?  If you could see his puppy dog eyes, you?d take a break too.]

The fascination with this book is to watch how Amy Chua handles this balance and, admittedly, with a parenting style that most of us do not have.  Reading the book I was both envious and disdainful, secretly fantasizing about how, with a little more discipline, my son?s grades would improve, and, at the same time, thinking about how impossible, and undesirable, it would be to substitute my goals for his own goals.   

I?ll save some more specific examples from the book for posts and comments throughout the week but let me close with these thoughts:  I often find that reading parenting books is either an exercise in reaffirmation--"see, I do the same thing, I am sooooo smart"--or an exercise in disgust (and secret pride)--"of course that family fell apart, who would ever parent like that!?!"  The challenge for Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is that, at least for me, the swing in emotions is palpable.  I am jealous of the perfect daughters.  Even after the tantrums, it looks like Chua has two really talented smart young women.  At the same time, I am scornful of the public fights and unnecessary line drawing.  And I totally empathize with the desire to protect and control.  We have so much to say about this book because, like Chua does to herself, we know that every one of our own parenting decisions is questioned and refracted through others? value systems.