Law Humor

No Suing Your Getaway Driver for Crashing, Court Rules

Posted on June 25, 2010
Aspiring thieves should be aware of at least two important legal principles before planning any crime that would involve fleeing in an automobile: Stealing is illegal; and If you are hurt in an accident while fleeing, you can't sue your...

Do Englishmen Still Have to Show Up for Longbow Practice?

Posted on June 24, 2010
On June 11, the Reverend Mary Edwards, of the village of Collingbourne Ducis in the UK, demanded that all members of her parish report to the village recreation ground for archery practice as required by a medieval law that has...

Naked Cowboy in Trademark Battle With Naked Cowgirl

Posted on June 23, 2010
There is nothing so ridiculous that somebody won't try to copy it. Robert Burck has reportedly sent a cease-and-desist letter to Sandy Kane, accusing her of infringing on his trademark. Because Burck is better known as the "Naked Cowboy," who...

"I No Longer Do," Japanese Couples Say in Divorce Ceremonies

Posted on June 23, 2010
I have heard of people celebrating after a divorce becomes final, but this is the first I've heard of a couple celebrating together their decision to split up. For the past year or so, an entrepreneur in Tokyo has been...

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Unicorn-Meat Slogan Draws Cease-and-Desist Letter From Pork Board

Posted on June 22, 2010
According to the people at the ThinkGeek blog, they got a cease-and-desist letter recently from lawyers telling them they would have to stop using the phrase "the new white meat" in connection with one of their products, because it could...

Adultery Still a Crime in New York

Posted on June 21, 2010
I saw a post on Boing Boing the other day about a list of "dumb laws," which the poster was not sure were real. They weren't, or at least there were no citations, which always makes me skeptical - there...

Rep. Barton Reconstructs His Previously Misconstrued Non-Apology

Posted on June 19, 2010
I want to be absolutely clear that I think BP is responsible for this accident, should be held responsible and should in every way do everything possible to make good on the consequences that have resulted from this accident. And...

From the Docket: Attack of the Bulb

Posted on June 16, 2010
Eric Wright v. Alliance Residential LLC, Case No. RG10-519746 (filed June 10, 2010). Premises liability action where the plaintiff was hit in the head by a light bulb in his kitchen at The Courtyards apartments in Emeryville [California]. The plaintiff...

Must-Have Item for Sleep-Deprived Lawyers: the Pillow Tie

Posted on June 15, 2010
A Utah company has developed a product that may revolutionize conference calls for the bored associate (or, occasionally, partner, although they are usually doing most of the talking), so long as he is taking the call from the privacy of...

Washington's Handlers Sneak Stolen Book Back Into Library

Posted on June 14, 2010
Insisting it is not the same book, but only another copy of the same edition, George Washington's henchmen in Mount Vernon have quietly returned "The Law of Nations," which Washington borrowed in 1789 and never brought back. As you may...

"Carlos the Jackal" Still Worried About His Image

Posted on June 11, 2010
Convicted terrorist and murderer Carlos Ilyich Ramirez Sanchez, also known as "Carlos the Jackal," is still upset about how he is portrayed in the new movie, "Carlos," which premiered at Cannes in May. Ramirez is fuming about the movie from...

Not Fooling Anyone

Posted on June 11, 2010
Here are just a few of the people who were not fooling anyone this week: Jean Marc Viau, an Edmonton man who claimed an officer beat him up after a traffic stop, when asked in court if he had been...

Assorted Stupidity #2

Posted on June 09, 2010
In March, the Seattle Post-Examiner reported on a lengthy federal and state investigation into area strip clubs. Suggesting the investigation was a witch hunt, the attorney for one of the owners alleged that one undercover detective visited the clubs more...

"F--- My Victims," Says Bernie Madoff, Enjoying Prison

Posted on June 08, 2010
In a recent article in New York magazine, Steve Fishman writes about how convicted Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff is doing in jail, where he has almost finished the first year of his sentence (meaning he just has 149 to go)....

No Waiting for Dubious Arguments at the Blagojevich Trial

Posted on June 08, 2010
The corruption trial of former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich started this morning, but he fired the first salvo before even walking in the front door. It missed. His lawyers filed a motion prior to opening statements arguing that Blagojevich had....

No Tweeting in Court, Judge Tells Blagojevich

Posted on June 08, 2010
Opening statements are underway in Rod Blagojevich's trial in Chicago, but there will be no further tweets from @GovernorRod until at least the end of the day: the judge has ordered him not to tweet in court. "I do not...

The Courthouse: Still Not a Good Place to Assault Someone

Posted on June 07, 2010
Tempers do flare from time to time when practicing law, and sometimes conflict is unavoidable. But there are still a few basic rules that you really must observe: In modern-day practice, engaging in fisticuffs is generally considered unprofessional. If you...

"Please Keep Following Me," Tweets Departing Prime Minister

Posted on June 04, 2010
Yukio Hatoyama, who resigned on Wednesday from his job as the prime minister of Japan, has tweeted supporters to let them know of his decision and to ask that they continue to follow him on Twitter. "I announced my intention...

Balloon Boy's Parents Finally Reunited With Balloon

Posted on June 03, 2010
The Balloon Family has its balloon back. Richard and Mayumi Heene tearfully claimed last year that their six-year-old son had been carried away by a balloon, although it later turned out they had hidden him in the attic and made...

Paying Restitution More Important Than Plastic Surgery, Says Judge

Posted on June 02, 2010
Last week, former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick got his probation upgraded to jail time after a judge found he had been hiding assets to avoid paying restitution. Kilpatrick was supposed to be paying back $1 million of the $8.4 million...

"Your Sorority Will No Longer Be Welcome in Our Facility"

Posted on June 01, 2010
Isn't it time for a remake of "Animal House" that features a sorority instead of a fraternity? If so, they may be able to base it on Pi Beta Phi -- at least a composite of a couple of the...

Google Maps Made Me Walk Onto the Highway, Woman Claims

Posted on May 31, 2010
In my opinion, mapping software paired with GPS technology is one of the more remarkable developments of the modern age, but you know what? You do still need to look where you're going occasionally. Please remember this if you are...

UPDATE on "Group Licentiousness" Conviction

Posted on May 29, 2010
Last week I wrote about the conviction of Ma Yaohai, a Chinese computer-science professor who was recently sentenced to three and a half years in prison for organizing what the New York Times called "informal swingers clubs" and what the...

Very Sound Sleeper Files Failure-to-Wake Claim Against United Airlines

Posted on May 28, 2010
Ginger McGuire, who is either a very sound sleeper or was extremely tired, is suing United Airlines for allegedly failing to wake her up after her flight landed in Philadelphia this week. McGuire says that she fell asleep during the...

A Farewell to Pants

Posted on May 28, 2010
In the least surprising development of the week, the Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit has affirmed the order dismissing the case of Pants Judge v. District of Columbia, meaning that Roy L. Pearson, Jr., has lost again. This...

TIP: "Group Licentiousness" Still Illegal in China

Posted on May 27, 2010
On May 20, China's official Xinhua News Agency reported that 22 people had been convicted and sentenced to jail for taking part in "licentious activities," which it appears are criminal offenses in that happy land. At least if the whole...

Appeal of Crunch Berries Case Dismissed

Posted on May 27, 2010
People, I've just received terrible news: the appeal in Sugawara v. PepsiCo has been dismissed. As you may recall (I've brought it up often enough), Sugawara was the California consumer-fraud case in which the plaintiff alleged she had purchased "Cap'n...

Former Pathological Liar May Be Deposed in Contract Case

Posted on May 26, 2010
The obvious headline for this one, "Yeah, that's the ticket!" has already been used many times by now. I successfully resisted the urge to use it myself anyway, but it wasn't easy. Jon Lovitz, who portrayed "Tommy Flanagan: Pathological Liar"...

Hulkster Sues Post Cereal Over "Degrading" Cocoa Pebbles Ad

Posted on May 25, 2010
Apparently unhappy with an ad for Cocoa Pebbles in which a Hulkesque character gets his ass kicked by Bamm-Bamm Rubble, Hulk Hogan has sued the manufacturer for allegedly misappropriating his likeness. In the ad, called "Cocoa Smashdown," a character identified...

Nevada Bans Chicken Suits From Polling Places

Posted on May 24, 2010
Early voting has begun in Nevada's 2010 primary elections, and over the weekend many sources reported that Nevada election officials have added chicken suits to the list of items that are banned from polling places. Man-sized chickens have been involved...

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