Miscellaneous

Athiests: 1; Christians: 0

Posted on April 25, 2008
Faith in the Lord doesn’t always pay off: An 82-year-old Alzheimer’s patient died after her caretaker went on a liquor run, according to police. Vicky Simpson, 52, has been charged with elderly abuse following the death of Vivian Howell over…

Potty Mouthed and Honest? He's Got My Vote.

Posted on April 25, 2008
A San Diego mayoral candidate, Jerry Sanders, corrected the record yesterday, telling a reporter that he had not, in fact, said “Fuck you, Francis,” after a mayoral forum. Actually, he’d called his opponent by his first name, refusing to shake…

E-Bay Fertile Ground for Dumbasses

Posted on April 25, 2008
Steve Shellhorn, who purchased some coins on E-Bay that were not packed particularly well was sued by the seller for $10,000 after Shellhorn left neutral feedback. “This is neutral feedback, not even negative feedback, but neutral. He sued me for…

The Daily Memo - 4/25/08

Posted on April 25, 2008
The 7th Circuit says a Chicago student can wear his anti-gay T-shirt at school, because assholes still have free speech rights too. (Chicago Tribune) Jesus — a science teacher has been accused of burning crosses into his students’ arms. (Columbus…

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"Bottom of the nation" indeed

Posted on April 25, 2008
Seems this was a submission to Florida’s state song contest. I don’t understand why he didn’t win. (Hat tip to reader Annelise.)…

Lessons in what not to do

Posted on April 25, 2008
Lesson #1 — Don’t make illegal left turns. If you do, you may get pulled over. Lesson #2 — Don’t make illegal left turns when you have a suspended driver’s license. If you do, you may get pulled over and…

Thursday's in C*nt Punditry

Posted on April 24, 2008
This handy-dandy guide was assembled by the estimable excremental Michelle Malkin:…

If You're Visiting Congo, Wear a Belt. With a Padlock.

Posted on April 24, 2008
File under Weird-Ass News stories: Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft. Reports of so-called…

Slow News Day

Posted on April 24, 2008
Sultry beauty! Ha! God, I love The Globe. Also, “Anna Nicole killed her son.” Well, of course she did! The Enquirer’s headline isn’t nearly so intriguing, but I do love that the tabloids are getting into politics….

The Daily Memo - 4/24/08

Posted on April 24, 2008
The FBI would like ISPs to be legally required to keep data about what we all do online. (News.com) eBay is suing Craigslist … because it wants to be the exclusive home of BBWs looking for NSA degradation? (BBC) Can…

Start with what you know

Posted on April 24, 2008
In many facets of life, that’s a great motto — start with what you know. When you want to rob a place though, not so much. That’s what Alvin Gist learned when he decided to rob a check cashing story…

Hee-hee ... snatch

Posted on April 24, 2008
LAist gives us this puntastic headline: Robber Snatches Rubber Snatch. Seems that last week, someone broke into a store called Fullerton’s Erogenous Zone, and the video surveillance shows that he tried to get the store’s cash but was unable to…

With hair like that, can you afford not to vote for him?

Posted on April 24, 2008
Good news Idahoians! (Idaho-ites? Idahoo-has?). If you’re a Democrat, and you’re not liking your limited options for the May 27 primary, we’ll I’ve got just the thing for you. Whatever with all this Barack and Hillary business — you can…

It's Because Scranton is Biased. And Racist!

Posted on April 23, 2008
What a load of horseshit: Colin Saltry and Joey Daniel say they skipped gym class on Monday to rush over to a diner where Sen. Barack Obama’s motorcade had just pulled in for an impromptu breakfast stop. The two met…

Deluded Patriots Deny Super Bowl Loss

Posted on April 23, 2008
From the Smoking Gun: Three months after their bid for an undefeated season ended with a Super Bowl loss to the New York Giants, the New England Patriots are continuing to pursue trademarks on the phrases “19-0” and “19-0 The…

Headline Writer Overcome with Burst of Creativity

Posted on April 23, 2008

The Daily Memo - 4/23/08

Posted on April 23, 2008
Mmmmm … boobies. (Above the Law) A dude was arrested for drug trafficking after — get this — pumping gas into an imaginary car. (MSNBC) The Supremes are apparently ok with Exxon having to pay up $112 million. (Law.com) Worst…

It's not "with," it's "wit"

Posted on April 23, 2008
Here’s a Philly-related Comedy Central two-fer from last night. First, you want an Obama-wit or a Hillary-wit? (While I’m an Obama guy, myself, Geno’s can stick it — it’s Pat’s or death. …And actually, Pat’s could lead to death...

Maybe you are all homosexuals

Posted on April 23, 2008
Whatever with this Hillary and Obama shit. I’m voting McBain ‘08!…

Spitball fights are getting out of control these days!

Posted on April 23, 2008
I remember several times in high school when some of us might have started fucking with a substitute teacher by turning to the aged-old spitball. And I recall several stupid nights at Denny’s where we entertained ourselves with spitballs before…

The British are clearly loosing their compassion

Posted on April 23, 2008
James Campbell is a 61-year-old retired schoolteacher over in England. He recently took his old high school to an employment tribunal, claiming he was a victim of disability discrimination. More specifically, he claims that he was harassed by students because…

Criminally Stupid

Posted on April 23, 2008
The intro to this article speaks for itself: One of the cardinal rules of computer programming is to never trust your input. This holds especially true when your input comes from users, and even more so when it comes from…

Oooooooh! Snap!

Posted on April 22, 2008

South Carolina, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Posted on April 22, 2008
Small town America isn’t bitter, it’s backwards and racist! Pastor Roger Byrd said he just wanted to make people think when he put up a sign reading ?Obama, Osama ? humm, are they brothers? in front of the Jonesville…

Colorado: You Must Be So Proud!

Posted on April 22, 2008
A couple of months ago, Colorado State Representative Douglas Bruce made his presence immediately known when, during a prayer, Bruce kicked a photographer who was snapping a photo, which warranted a house censure. A little while later, he refused to…

Some headlines say it all

Posted on April 22, 2008
Sure, you can click on through to find out more about this story (although there are only two one-sentence paragraphs). But really, doesn’t this headline just about tell you all you need to know? Nervous thief left DNA in vomit….

The Daily Memo - 4/22/08

Posted on April 22, 2008
Florida. Truck nutz. What more do you need? (Above the Law) Kenton Keith, a backup running back on Dustin’s beloved Colts, was arrested over the weekend for refusing to leave a club parking lot in the wee a.m. hours. (SI)…

Sorry buddy, the law's the law

Posted on April 22, 2008
Jordan Gonnering is a student at the University of Wisconsin. Earlier this month, he came home to find the corpse of his murdered fiancee. Not a good time. Unsurprisingly, Gonnering kinda doesn’t want to live in that apartment anymore. Trouble…

Worst President in History of America Does Something Slightly Cool

Posted on April 22, 2008

Asshole or Awesome? You be be the judge. (Hint: the answer is definitely "awesome.")

Posted on April 22, 2008
Up in Portland, Oregon, Eric Bryant was hanging out in a Chinese restaurant when he saw a police car illegally park. Officer Chad Stensgaard then walked into the Chinese restaurant and began watching a basketball game on TV. Bryant asked…

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