Legal Commentary

Nuremberg Revisited: Obama Administration Files To Dismiss Case Against John Yoo

Posted on December 09, 2009
John Yoo is being defended in court this month by the Administration. Not the Bush Administration. The Obama Administration. As with the lawsuits over electronic surveillance and torture, the Obama administration wants the lawsuit against Yoo dismissed and is defending the right of Justice Department officials to help establish a torture program [...

The Naughty List: Christians Organize Blacklist of Businesses Failing To Wish Customers ?Merry Christmas?

Posted on December 08, 2009
Christians are now organizing a boycott against businesses that fail to wish everyone “Merry Christmas” or use that offensive greeting “Happy Holidays.” Stores are being monitored and blacklisted for just wishing everyone “Happy Holidays” instead of referencing Christmas specifically...

Pray to Play: North Carolina Voters Seek to Seek To Block Swearing in of New Bar Council Member Under State Constitutional Ban of Atheists in Public Office

Posted on December 08, 2009
Some people in Asheville, North Carolina are up in arms about a man just elected to the city council. No he is not corrupt or an adulterer. Those are virtually qualifications in today’s politics. The problem is not what Cecil Bothwell is but what he is not: God-fearing...

The Wrath of Mr. Potato Head: Sidarth Comes in Second on Jeopardy

Posted on December 08, 2009
We previously discussed the appearance of one of my students, S.R. Sidarth, on Jeopardy. Last night, Sidarth came in a very respectable second in a tough competition. We were all extremely proud of him . . . and blame it on Mr. Potato Head. Presumably, George Allen was cheering for the Air Force [...

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Spare the Rod? Former Missouri House Speaker Accused of Beating and Raping Woman . . . Releases on $2,500 Bond

Posted on December 08, 2009
The former Missouri House Speaker and major Republican political figure Rod Jetton has been charged in an alarming series of crimes after a woman accused him of punching, choking, and assaulting her. She also appears to elude to the possibility of a date rape drug, claiming that she blacked out after drinking a [...

Body Heat: English City To Draw Heat From Crematoriums

Posted on December 08, 2009
The Hastings Borough Council in East Sussex has found the ultimately reusable energy source: people. It is the energy version of Soylent Green. The city will be drawing heat from the burning of bodies from crematoriums. The plan will require a £800,000 refit to the crematoriums...

Slim Down With Bacillus Cereus: Diet Product Recall Issued for 10 Million Cans of Slim Fast

Posted on December 08, 2009
It is amazing how slimming runaway diarrhea can be. Unilever PLC recalling 10 million cans of its Slim-Fast ready-to-drink products in the U.S. and Canada due to the possible contamination of a bacteria that can cause serious illness. The bacteria is Bacillus cereus, which can cause diarrhea and possibly nausea and/or vomiting...

The Boss?s Burger: Florida Man Arrested For Burger Battery

Posted on December 08, 2009
Port St. Lucie, Florida has another AWDS case (assault with a deadly sandwich). Previously, we saw how Matthew Rubin was arrested for throwing a sandwich at his girlfriend, here. Yet, cold-cut sandwiches are widely known by police to be gateway food to hotter items like pizzas and burritos...

Sticks and Stones May . . . Result in a Tasering: Colorado Police Taser Unruly 10-Year-Old Boy Because Using Pepper Spray Would Have Endangered Officer

Posted on December 07, 2009
We recently saw how a taser was used on a ten-year-old girl who refused to take a bath in Arkansas, here. Now, police in Pueblo, Colorado have tasered a 10-year-old boy who threw a stick at an officer and was holding a pipe. Captain Jeff Teschner defended his deputies by saying that the [...

Mommy Issues: Florida Man Arrested After Allegedly Trying to Run Mother Off the Road

Posted on December 07, 2009
In Oldsmar, Florida, Sheila Curr is making alternative plans for Mother’s Day. Her son, Matthew Curr, 18, was arrested after he allegedly tried to run his own mother off the road. Curr pursued his mother down the road in a SUV and tried to force her into a ditch, according to police...

Fall From Grace: Expert Finds Nancy Grace Contributed to Suicide of Mother

Posted on December 07, 2009
A Harvard professor has concluded that CNN Headline New’s rabid host, Nancy Grace, contributed to the death of a mother, Melinda Duckett, who committed suicide three years ago after being savaged by Grace. Grace has made a career out of snarling and sensational segments on criminal stories...

Prehistoric Family Values: Senator Who Defended Traditional Marriage Is Sentenced for Slashing Face of Girlfriend and Dragging Her Through the Apartment Lobby

Posted on December 07, 2009
Hiram Monserrate attracted statewide attention in New York as one of the Democrats who defended “traditional marriage” and “family values” in recently voting down a bill that would have made same-sex marriage legal the state. His concept of family values was questioned after he was sentenced for assaulting his girlfriend Karla Giraldo...

Off on a Tangent: Teacher Displays Trust After Arrest for Child Molestation

Posted on December 07, 2009
One has to love the t-shirt choice for this mugshot for Jenifer Stitzel, 34, a Christian preschool teacher arrested for having sexual contact with a 14-year-old boy on school grounds at the Central Valley Christian School in Tangent, Oregon. It all about trust...

Judge Denies Motion as ?Incredibly Asinine, Ill-Conceived, Unfounded and Personally and Professionally Insulting?

Posted on December 07, 2009
District Court Judge William Pattinson was a bit subtle but methinks he does not like this motion for venue change. The judge denied the motion after saying it was “so incredibly asinine, ill-conceived, unfounded and personally and professionally insulting that it is unworthy of any discussion or consideration...

Meat Makeup: Where Hamburgers Go To Get That TV Perfect Look

Posted on December 07, 2009
It turns out that hamburgers have makeovers too. It now appears that those toned buns and firm patties are no accident. Now if I could only find an artist to make middle aged professors look fresh and juicy. My God, they even glue on the sesame seeds! [...

We Few, We Happy Few . . .

Posted on December 06, 2009
The voting continues with the ABA. Some would say that we are outmatched in second place with 66 votes to The Legal Satyricon with 106. But every great movie from Rocky to Star Wars has the underdog struggling before a thrilling victory. Yea, that’s us...

Bad Hampster: Consumer Group Says Popular New Toy Is Not Just Cute But Carcinogenic

Posted on December 06, 2009
One of the hottest toys this year is Zhu Zhu pets — robotic hamsters. GoodGuide, a consumer group, has alleged that the toys are not only hot but toxic. While the manufacturer denies the allegation, the group insists that the toys have a dangerous level of antimony, which can cause cancer as well [...

THE MEANING OF TEAM WORK

Posted on December 06, 2009
As we struggle against overwhelming numbers in the ABA competition, this picture shows the value of working as a team. All together now . . .

You?re a Kelev Tov, Yes You Are: Montana Rabbi Enlisted To Translate For Israeli Training Dog

Posted on December 06, 2009
In Montana, Rabbi Chaim Bruk has found a calling. There are horse whispers and bird callers. Rabbi Bruk is a dog translator. His new position with the Helena Police Department involves a certain German Shepard named Miky and a group of confused goyum officers...

Illinois Woman Arrested for Filming Four Minutes of Film at Birthday Party

Posted on December 06, 2009
Samantha Tumpach should have listened to the Vatican when it said to stay away from the movie The New Moon, here. The 22-year-old woman was jailed and is facing felony charges after filming 4 minutes of the film at the surprise 29th Birthday party for her sister...

Turley Blog Adds Cloaking Abilities in ABA Competition

Posted on December 06, 2009
Assuming that Elaine’s plan for the pod people do not work in enhancing our votes in the ABA competition, we have located cloaking technology to allow us to move freely from site to site. I am ordering a tanker load of glycerin to cloak of us all...

Senator Max Baucus Admits That He Had Affair with Former Staffer When He Nominated Her For U.S. Attorney Position

Posted on December 05, 2009
Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus has admitted that he was romantically involved with a former staffer when he recommended her earlier this year to become the next U.S. attorney for Montana. Baucus only recently separated from his second wife, Ty Matsdorf, and had a romantic relationship with his former staffer Melodee Hanes starting [...

The Man Who Moves Blocks: Stonehenge Mystery Unraveled By Guy Named Wally

Posted on December 05, 2009
Wally Wallington in Flint, Michigan, may have answered one of the great mysteries in history: how did the builders of Stonehenge move and stack such massive blocks without machinery. Wally Wallington is one guy I would love to have on my next move. He moved a barn over 300 feet without a single [...

Big Mullah is Listening: Iran Threatening Critics on Facebook and Other Internet Sites

Posted on December 05, 2009
Iran has continued its crackdown on critics domestically and internationally. It has sentenced protesters to death over the demonstrations contesting the presidential elections. It has also reportedly created a unit to monitor critics abroad and threatened students on Facebook...

Bad Notes: Band Teacher Allegedly Caught Writing Lewd Notes to Middle School Girls

Posted on December 05, 2009
Parents with children at the Buffalo Community Middle School are in shock after the arrest of their band leader, Martin Bartels, 53, for allegedly leaving lewd messages on the lockers of girls. He was reportedly caught on videotape and confronted in the midst of writing a third letter...

Amanda Knox Found Guilty of Murder and Sentenced to 26 Years in Prison

Posted on December 05, 2009
The twenty-two-year old called Foxy Knoxy, Amanda Knox, was found guilty of murder and sentenced to 26 years in an Italian prison. Her former boyfriend, Raffaele Sollecito was sentenced to 25 years. Meredith Kercher was killed Nov. 1, 2007 in the cottage she shared with Knox...

Sporkin Report Finds the Destruction of Evidence in World Bank Case Was Presumptively Neither Innocent Nor Accidental

Posted on December 05, 2009
For those following the World Bank/IMF litigation, the Attorney General of the District of Columbia has been repeatedly referencing the forthcoming report of his adviser, former Judge Stan Sporkin, on the allegations of the destruction of evidence in the case...

GW Law Student to Compete on Jeopardy This Monday

Posted on December 04, 2009
Answer: Macaca . . . Question: What single word ended the career of a United States Senator? That is one question that Shekar Ramanuja (S.R.) Sidarth would likely nail on Monday when he appears on Jeopardy. Sidarth is the student who brought down Senator George Allen in Virginia when Allen referred to [...

I Get A Kick Out of You: Couple Executes Contract Limiting Marital Martial Art Beatings

Posted on December 04, 2009
For husbands who feel put upon by their spouses, consider yourself lucky. A 33-year-old man named Zhang executed a formal contract under which his wife, a kung fu expert, is allowed to beat him no more than once a week. Zhang reported that he was actually beaten by the woman before they married, but the [...

The Bad Elf: Georgia Man Arrested After Telling Santa That He Had A Bomb

Posted on December 04, 2009
Police say that William C. Caldwell III is a bad elf. The 45-year-old man appeared dressed as an elf at a mall in Morrow, Georgia and said that he was carrying dynamite. This beats flashing gang signs while on Santa’s lap, here. Police say that when Caldwell waited in line to have his picture taken with [...

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