Law Humor

May 2001 - Did They Really Say

Posted on February 26, 2008
May 2001 - Did They Really Say That?From Roger A. Berger of Houston, who was defending a hospital emergency room group in a malpractice case, this excerpt from the deposition of the administrator of the Group. The question by the plaintiff's counsel was intended to define the different types of emergency room patients - but it elicited a literal answer...

April 2004 - Can You Describe the

Posted on February 25, 2008
April 2004 - Can You Describe the Pain?This deposition excerpt is from Marvin L. Cook of San Antonio (he is general counsel of Southwest Business Corp.). The plaintiff in a slip-and-fall case is being questioned about the injuries allegedly suffered at the time of the fall...

June 1988 - How Tractor/Trailers

Posted on February 22, 2008
June 1988 - How Tractor/Trailers WorkThis is only one of several excerpts sent to me by Al Ellis of Dallas from a single deposition which "totally, fully, and without reservation supports the theory that depositions should never be taken!"Q. So, if somebody was behind you -A...

April 1990 - Recalling & RecollectingTerry

Posted on February 21, 2008
April 1990 - Recalling & RecollectingTerry L. Belt of Austin submits this excerpt from the deposition of the father who was seeking to modify the child custody terms of the divorce.Q. Do you remember the incident on the day that you came running up from the basement and explained to your wife that you were going to kill yourself?A...

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May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared

Posted on February 20, 2008
May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That UpJudge William L. Baskette, Jr. of Kerr County sends this "unplanned discussion" which took place in a hearing before him:The Court: And what is the basis of your motion? Do you have any case law or anything you'd like to cite to the Court at this time?Attorney: In our last hearing in this case, I was left here with the thought that the Court had said based on some 25 cases of Mr...

June 2002 - Did They Really Say

Posted on February 19, 2008
June 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From Jeffrey S. Lisson of Winston-Salem, N.C., this excerpt from a deposition he "recently took of a maintenance supervisor for a hotel at which a paraplegic woman I represent was scalded in a hotel bathroom."Q. [By Mr...

May 1985 - What About Your Job?Q.

Posted on February 15, 2008
May 1985 - What About Your Job?Q. What do you do for a living?A. I help my brother.Q. What does your brother do?A. Nothing.***Q. You said you went to Galveston in 1920, yet the first job you told me about was in 1946. What did you do between 1920 and 1946?A...

January 1992 - From the Trials

Posted on February 14, 2008
January 1992 - From the Trials of BuchmeyerQ. What did you do with the money you got from the land flip?A. Bought a Mercedes 450 SL convertible.Q. Why?A. Well, it was a little less ostentatious than buying a Rolls Royce.

February 1999 - Did They Really

Posted on February 13, 2008
February 1999 - Did They Really Ask That?From Donald J. Hahn of Dallas (Collins, Norman & Basinger), this question that a lawyer asked his client in a hearing in Probate Court No. 2 (Judge Robert E. Price):Q. Now, Mrs. Smith, is it true that you were well acquainted with John Smith as a result of the fact that you were married to him for over 55 years?

June 1985 - How Did the Accident

Posted on February 12, 2008
June 1985 - How Did the Accident Happen?This excerpt from an actual deposition originally appeared in the book "I Solemnly Swear" by Houston court reporter Jerry von Sternberg (Carlton Press, 1978).Q. What happened then?A. The last thing I remember I see a car up in the air, and I knew I was being turned...

February 2001 - Did They Really

Posted on February 11, 2008
February 2001 - Did They Really Say That?From Judge David R. Gibson of Dallas (County Court at Law No. 1) this excerpt from am affidavit filed in connection with a special appearance in his court:11. On Nov 2nd, 1992, I attended a business meeting at the offices of Smith Import and Export Company as an observer...

July 1989 - How Much Did You Have

Posted on February 08, 2008
July 1989 - How Much Did You Have to Drink?Defendant: (Charged with drunk driving) Your Honor, I only had one for the road.Judge: How many did you have for the ditch?__Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness. Have you anything to say in your defense?Defendant: Habitual Thirstiness?

February 1989 - Did I Really Hear

Posted on February 07, 2008
February 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?From Mary Strand, a staff attorney for the Tyler Court of Appeals, this testimony from a hearing on temporary child conservatorship - by witness who had "obviously not been testifying as expected":Q. Let me ask you this: Have you been frank in your answers?A...

March 1998 - An Expert's Best Friend

Posted on February 06, 2008
March 1998 - An Expert's Best Friend Is ...From Ernest Reynolds, III of Fort Worth, this excerpt from his direct examination of an expert witness who had consulted with him on several other cases. The opposing attorney was Tom Webb of San Angelo.Q. We know each other personally; is that correct?A...

July 1994 - How Dead Is He?From

Posted on February 05, 2008
July 1994 - How Dead Is He?From Carolyn J. Johnsen of Phoenix, Ariz. (Herbert Schenk & Johnsen) - Carolyn was a law clerk for U.S. District Judge Hal Woodward of Lubbock - this excerpt from the deposition of the guarantor's wife who was accused of altering the signatures on the guarantee:Q...

November 1989 - Let's Be Particularly

Posted on February 04, 2008
November 1989 - Let's Be Particularly Careful Out ThereFrom Judge James A. Blackstock of Angleton (County Court at Law No. 3 and Probate Court), this bit of direct examination by the state's attorney who is interrupted by an objection by the guardian ad litem for the children...

December 1999 - As An Older JudgeIn

Posted on February 01, 2008
December 1999 - As An Older JudgeIn response to my letter asking the parties in one of my cases to agree to a trial before Magistrate Judge Bill Sanderson, I received this reply from the plaintiff's lawyer (which caused me to take the rest of the day off):I discussed your letter at length with my client...

July 1997 - Did They Really Say

Posted on January 31, 2008
July 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From John E. Haught of Beaumont (Mehaffy & Weber), this excerpt from the deposition of a supposed eyewitness to an automobile accident who was a close friend of the plaintiff's family.A. It's nothing out of the ordinary that I didn't, you know, go by and see Ms...

February 2008 - Typos (Classic

Posted on January 30, 2008
February 2008 - Typos (Classic & Otherwise)Randy Schaffer of Houston found this typo in one of his letters: "This means the Filth circuit will resolve all of the issues instead of the single issue authorized by the district court." (And someone has written: "I dare you to send this to Buchmeyer...

January 2002 - Did They Really

Posted on January 29, 2008
January 2002 - Did They Really Ask That?From Senior State District Judge A. D. Azios of Houston, this incident which took place while he was trying a felony case as a visiting judge in Montgomery County. The questions are by Assistant District Attorney Mike Seiler...

July 1993 - Who Said Vaudeville

Posted on January 28, 2008
July 1993 - Who Said Vaudeville Was Dead?From Ronald E. Bunch of Waxahachie, this excerpt from a criminal trial: Ron is questioning the deputy sheriff about his appearance in a line-up.Q. And do you remember how you were dressed [for the line-up]?A. Yeah, dress slacks and a grey short-sleeved shirt, if my memory serves me correctly...

February 2002 - Classic Typo'sFrom

Posted on January 25, 2008
February 2002 - Classic Typo'sFrom Trish Nasworthy of Grand Prairie (Trish is an Assistant City Attorney), this mistake she spotted in an ad in the Dallas Morning News.LITITAGATION ATTORNEY needed immediately. Large plaintiff's personal injury firm seeks associate...

April 1996 - Did They Really Ask

Posted on January 24, 2008
April 1996 - Did They Really Ask That?From Beverly Hays of Dallas (Beverly is a paralegal with Patterson, Lamberty, etc. who "hopes this one makes the cut"), this excerpt from a personal injury deposition.Q. Why were you in Dallas that day?A. To see "Catherine the Great...

July 1996 - Did They Really Say

Posted on January 23, 2008
July 1996 - Did They Really Say That?From Judge Michael D. Schattman of Fort Worth (348th District Court), this exchange that took place as Clay Humphries (Cantely & Hanger) began his cross-examination in a wrongful discharge case:The Court: Mr. Humphries, your witness...

March 2007 - Did He Really Say

Posted on January 22, 2008
March 2007 - Did He Really Say That?From Timothy J. Daniels of San Antonio (Daniels & Daniels), this story about how he prepared his client, Jim Shipman, ?for direct and cross examination by posing numerous anticipated questions ? spending hours on this aspect...

November 1997 - Did They Really

Posted on January 18, 2008
November 1997 - Did They Really Ask That?From Andrew H. Petty of Houston (Alsup & Petty), this paragraph from a discovery request:Request for Production No. 19Please produce all documents Defendant destroyed which relate to matters in Plaintiff's Original Complaint.

May 1996 - I Want To Be AdoredFrom

Posted on January 17, 2008
May 1996 - I Want To Be AdoredFrom Kelly M. Massad of Addison, this classic typo from a lawyer's "Divorces $100" advertisement in the Feb. 18 edition of the Dallas Morning News "TV Magazine":Stanley Burch is licensed by the Texas Supreme Court & admired before all U...

May 1994 - Lawyers May Destroy

Posted on January 16, 2008
May 1994 - Lawyers May Destroy The EarthThis month's title was supplied by Jimmy Patterson, a reporter with The Midland Reporter-Telegram, who submitted it with this news story:Eight year-old Jennifer Patterson, a second grader at Rusk Elementary in Midland, Texas, explained recently that millions of years ago dinosaurs became extinct "when mediators hit the earth...

May 1996 - The Docket EntryFrom

Posted on January 15, 2008
May 1996 - The Docket EntryFrom Robert Edwin Davis, of Dallas (Davis, LeClair, Loegering & Daniel), this docket sheet from a 1995 case in the Circuit Court of Franklin County, Mo. - which "makes it clear that there are still judges sitting on the bench with courage enough to say precisely what they think, and with eloquence enough to make the court's views unmistakable...

June 1995 - What We Have Here is

Posted on January 14, 2008
June 1995 - What We Have Here is a Failure to CommunicateFrom Mark W. Laney of Plainview (Laney & Stokes), this excerpt from a deposition in a dog bite case, being taken by his partner, Steve Stokes.Q. What was his name?A. Wes Harris.Q. Is he a local man, Wes Harris?A...

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