Law Humor

Why Would I Know Art Nadel?? Or Satyam's Raju? (Or is it Ragu?)

In response to one of my readers: No. I don't think I know an Arthur Nadel. Why? You really think that he had invested his investor money with me?? The only thing I read is that he's missing, and that people are saying they lost $400 million.

Media hype again, they probably lost 1/4 of that after counting how much Nadel probably returned to them. But I don't know. Ruth and I didn't go to Sarasota very often. Did we Ruth?

Jodi-Do you remember anyone named Art Nadel?? Frank D.? Do you know the guy?? I don't think so; my memory is shot this weekend. All this tsuris about having to take inventory in our Bahamas place.

You also asked, "Did you know CEO Raju from Satyam??"

The only thing I know about "raju" is that I like a good veal ragu.

You know where they have a great one? On 74th Street, it's called 'CescaIt might be the best in New York--in fact, we're taking in from there tonight.

But as long as you asked, just because the latest headline is saying the guy didn't really inflate the books, but that he actually siphoned off $1bil in cash into 300 different companies owned by family members means nothing to me.

And speaking of glass windows, we've got four houses with lots of windows. You know what it cost just to clean our windows in this co-op?? A fortune. So we're not throwing any stones.

Wanna guess what my kid Mark pays to clean the windows on that Nantucket house he bought last June for $6.5 mil?? The one up on the right? I can't say because he says he's not talking to me. Ruth? What's Stephanie paying to clean those windows??

But to the reader's question: No, I wouldn't have a clue if any of those Indian companies invested in BMIS. The Noel's handled Asia. Isn't India near Asia? Ask Walter, maybe he knows if they invested. Or maybe one of his son-in-laws; they traveled alot.

[And to Mr. Mark Cuban: No, we didn't outsource our programming to Satyam. That was as bad a guess as the one you made when trading "ahead" in that internet company. We don't know each other, and I hear you're quite a muckracker, but trust me, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Ever hear me accuse anybody of anything?? No.... Not yet anyway.]

But beyond that, what idiot can make a comparison between me and that guy from Satyam?

Did I set up a bunch of companies and siphon off cash to my family??

Would my sister Sonnie be kvetching so much if I did??? Would my brother be saying he lost a few million if I did that?? Would Charlie Weiner be whining none-stop?? No.

Sure, I was generous to my family. Look at the jewelry that I just sent them!!

OK, so Mark, Andy and Shana set up an energy company, and Mark took out a $5 million loan from our London-based firm to set up the energy company. Yeah, he used his BMIS stock as collateral for the loan.. What's your question?? This is old news. Where he got the money to buy into that fishing rod company is something I don't know. He wanted to catch pikers, I like fishing for whales. That's old news too.

And, Mark--just a reminder, you promised your mother 12 pts on the loan, and you haven't made a payment for January.. Please call your mother about this.

Where Mark got the money to buy that house in Nantucket last June, I don't know. So what that it cost $6.5 million?? Do you think Nantucket is cheap?! It cost more than my house on the f--king French Riviera!!

Speaking of promises. I don't know what Frank Avilleno promised anybody. I don't know what Mike Bienes promised anybody. I know that I didn't promise anybody anything other than the f--king sun would probably rise tomorrow. I didn't "guarantee" bupkus to anyone. "Guarantee" is not a phrase that we ever used. Aside, its a violation of SEC and FINRA rules to make those kind of statements.

Did Ezra "guarantee" anything?? I don't know. I doubt it.

This is what I do know; idiots are saying that I "admitted" to stealing $50 billion. The morons at AP keep putting that into their stories. Its bullshit. I never admitted anything of the sort.

Speaking of bullshit--everyone is whining about Bernie, even though I delivered returns to my investors for decades. D-e-c-a-d-e-s. How many stories have you read about people saying they were living off of those returns for years? Tens of dozens, right?? Exactly. People have been living off of those returns for years. And they've been living pretty damn well, too. Take a poll at Boca Rio and ask.

If they had put their money into mutual funds, guess where'd they'd be right now? Not in Boca Raton. Not in Palm Beach. I saw Mark's Neuberger account statement from last month. Down 42% from last year! Almost half of that account was wiped out! And that was just last year. The year before it was down 8%. The year before that it produced a paltry 5%.

And what about the people that put "all of their money" into Wachovia. Or Lehman. Or Bear Stearns. Or, how about Hartford Insurance?? Its not like those firms were paying fat dividends that people could live off of! So I guess investing with Bernie wasn't so bad, was it??

Of course not!

Another question someone asked me: "Why isn't the story about the two swindlers that 'ponzied' $800 million in Florida through a company called Mutual Benefits Corp. getting as much media attention as Bernie?"

That's a good question! Although I don't know them. But I'm thinking this is going to be a good year for buying and trading viatical settlements. Lots of people need to sell their life insurance policy benefits right now, and plenty of investors have plenty of cash. Trust me on that.

Walter, take a note on that, maybe we add viaticals to MIDAS fund product list.

Ruth, don't interrupt! I'm not talking to Walter about Viagra, I'm talking about viaticals! Oy, Ruth.

Last: The Delaire's. No, Ira isn't representing them. I'm sure that Sonny and Carol Delaire have their own lawyers. And, I'm sure that those lawyer(s) will tell them that they need to be very careful about what they say to people. Sure, it helps them to have someone in the family working at the NYSE surveillance department. Enough said on that topic.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 18, 2009 (boomark / email).