Law Humor

To Bernie: From Allen Stanford

I need to keep this note quick-we're refueling and my security team says that thanks to you and your moron son, I now have to limit use of open telecom lines to no more than 30 seconds at a time.

1. As I told you last Tuesday, and according to today's Daily Telegraph out of the UK, it was the wild and crazy statements made by your son on this very blog that'put me on the cover of World's Most Wanted!!!!

2. Bernie- Unless you've seen a herd of cows all piss at the same time, then you have no idea who you people have pissed off down here.

Let's see if I can paint another picture for you. Then your friend Ezra can hang it next to the pictures in his f--king co-op.

When it comes to pissed off depositors, I'll trade you five of your Russian investors, Mort Zuckerman, your sister, and a country club full of those NY liberals for my biggest Venezuelan investor--His name is Victor f--king Chavez.. Have you ever heard of him???!! I thought so. You're a smart guy. So, where do you think he moved his f--king petro cash to??

MY f--king bank!!!!! You think he could resist the CD rates we were paying??! The only good news is that Chavez's people are asking how they can get a few pallets of your Pisher Pads. I told them to scroll to the right hand column and click Buy Now. Send my commish check through the Cohmad account.

3. Be on the lookout for a letter from a law firm in your neighborhood, their name is Wilentz. I've hired them to serve you with a libel suit tomorrow. The best f--king bulldog lawyers in the city from what I'm told. Some gal named Eileen is going to handling it for us.

Tell Baby Ruth that its nothing personal, its just business. There's more cow shit flying around about me than there is on the entire ranch in Houston--and I need to set the record straight.

After all, who are people going to believe?? You, or Me? You might be Mr. F--king Midas, but I'm a G--damned Knight!! Royalty...Knighthood...Get it?? That's why people call me SIR!!

Wheels Up...!

From: Bernie
To: Jodi

Per above note--call up Marc Polish. Tell him "more toilet paper!" Half of Venezuela is crapping in their pants.

Also-Now that the f--king feds and SEC people are out of the office and chasing after Allen--get a f--king cleaning crew over to 17 and have them clean up all those donut boxes those people left behind. Its a disgrace in there!

BLM

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on February 19, 2009 (boomark / email).