Law Humor

Bernie's Valentine's Day Gift List...

Everyone wants to know what I've gotten Ruth for Valentine's Day...and what I've gotten for Ezra's wife Lauren, Sonny's wife Carole, and for Jodi, and for Nan, and for Sonja, and for Marcia. and for Shana, and even for Julie in London....Oy! What a list, right?

They also want to know what my brother has sent out to all of his 'girl friends'.

Since his little black book is still missing, I can't answer for him, but here I am, telling all about what I sent to everyone!

After reading about how Victor Teicher from Westport CT has been telling Ezra how to invest for all of these years, I decided to call up Bob Silverman, my pal in Westport, and he said the best place for Valentine's chocolates is actually in Westport.

Its called Cocoa Michelle and I bought out the entire store!!

To: Ezra Merkin
From: Bernie

Ezra-
I don't know why that muck racker at the NY Times is making a ruckus. Sure, you took calls from Victor Teicher when he was sitting in a jail cell twenty years ago, and he told you not to invest with me. You didn't pay attention to him, and you ended up making over $200 million in commissions. Not bad, right? Everyone came out a winner!

And, I'm thinking you simply forgot to tell your investors that Vic has been on your payroll ever since he got out of the clink, even though he's supposedly barred from acting as investment adviser. Or maybe he really isn't prohibited from advising an investment fund?

I don't know. Doesn't sound like that would be very fair. Too complicated for me. Maybe Ira can figure it out.

Quite frankly, that yuppie insider trading thing was twenty years ago!! If I remember, it was all nonsense, anyway. Right up there with Martha Stewart. God forbid that the SEC ever focuses on real crimes, right?

Its Valentine's Day!--So, I for one, Forgive and Forget!!

Next-
To Steve Harbeck
From: Bernie Madoff

Steve- Sorry to interrupt you on a holiday weekend, but my sister Sonnie is busting my chops about the SIPC money. You keep telling people that "its coming, its coming, " but now everyone is starting to think you're a f--king tease. Last month you said "it was coming the first week of February", now you're telling people "any week now".

A lot of people are getting pretty f--king confused. Some of them have even run up a big charge account at Cocoa Michelle, thinking the SIPC money is coming to them any day. A few others are renewing their 550 leases, thinking "no problem, Harbeck says the SIPC money is coming".

Steve-Take it from me; you either put up or you shut up. I always put up, and I kept my mouth closed when I didn't have anything to say.
B.L.M.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on February 14, 2009 (boomark / email).