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#Madoff on the #BP Mess; #Shana Speaks Out

From Shana
To: Uncle Bernie

Despite Mark's comment to the vulture at ASM Capital that's trying to pay pennies for the claims that dear Mr. Picard is administering, and Mark's plan to open a new futures trading platform (with me on the Board), I'm not sure I really want to go back into the business.

Instead, I've been solicited to run for the US Senate. What with the latest primary results in a bunch of places, its obvious that people believe that girls really do know best, and Eleanor's Legacy Committee is offering to back me in this race.

Marcia (Cohn) has given me complete assurances that Rachel Maddow will absolutely lend a hand and endorse me on her show..(You know how some girls always stick together...yikes...) Anywho..I've sent Rachel some of that Soapopular as a "thank you in advance", and Jeff Picower has already sent a message to Dad that "money is no object" re: campaign finance. "Uncle" Paul has even volunteered to be the campaign treasurer. I haven't figured out what to do about Eric yet, but he'd actually make a perfect SEC Commissioner, when/if Mary decides to accept the job over at MMS.

Sort of funny how things turn out; every one expected the new sponsor billboard on top f the US Senate building was going to read "The House that JPMorgan Bought"; but Jeff's people are guaranteeing that its going to read "The House that Madoff Made. Trust Me."

Hope all is good with you and your new friends! BTW..Thanks for recommending that book! With so many mostly boring "club books" out there, I scrolled to the right and reserved my copy; can't wait to read it while sunning on the beach out here in the Hamptons!
SMS


To: Mark Proegler, BP
From: Irv Picard

I appreciate your reaching out to me for guidance on claims processing strategies; no doubt that BP has a world of crud on their hands when it comes to claims.

My only suggestion is that you load up on that alcohol-free, oil-free hand sanitizer that's so popular. Yes, that's why they call it Soapopular! Ha! No doubt it will prove handy (pun intended) when your people have to go through each of the 1800 pages within every claim form that you're making people fill out. 

With regard to your wanting to license our slogan "Expect payments on the second of never"; my recommendation is that your company is heading down enough slippery slopes, what with all of those slicks. Instead, a smart PR person would suggest that you trim the fat off those claims forms, and make it no more than 10 pages, 20 at the most.

Also; take out the requirement for the fishermen in Louisiana to complete the forms in Sanskrit. I'm sure that your claims processors in Bangladesh find it easier to process, but you don't want to be accused of bad faith claims processing. That's a sticky wicket, trust me!

BTW-You might expect to get some claims from those Madoff boys; apparently they're frustrated about not being able to fish down in the Gulf right now..
Good luck!
Irv Picard 


To: Bernie
From: Scott Rothstein

Bernie-
Nurik the Nudnick did speak with Ike, and your offer to include me in your poker game at Butthole is much appreciated, if not a bit premature. That said, I did manage to buy up a bunch of your old watches at auction, and if nothing else, I'll be happy to bring them with me as a 'buy-in'.
Scott

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on June 11, 2010 (boomark / email).