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Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

#Madoff Monday Musings

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To: Steve Fishman
From: Bernie Madoff

#1. I don't remember giving you or New York Magazine permission to use my likeness in your ridiculous story. Don't bother waiting for Ira's letter to cease and desist; my friend Junior Persico says you should check under your car before you start it..otherwise you might really desist! Ha! I love these guys in here!

#2. The book that I'm reading in that photo is hysterical! Its called "The Club No One Wanted to Join"... What a title!! I keeping peeing my pants reading these stupid accounts from my investors; almost as stupid as the account statements! Thank God that sweet Erin Arvedlund edited it, or I'd be crapping my pants in hysterics!!

Scroll to the right and click on the cover to get yourself a copy!

#3. Yes, the photo to the left also shows my two favorite hand sanitizers. The honchos at BOP are finally figuring out that I was right, even if it took Pollard to convince them that half the people here were mixing Purell with salt and making cocktails. Of course the alcohol-free stuff makes much more sense! Anybody that thinks otherwise is a stupid schmuck. Period. To you people over at DOJ that keep visiting this f**king blog, you should take advantage of the government discounts!

#4. Ruth--tell those people from Coca Cola that I'd be happy to endorse their product, for a fee! If someone there has got a problem with paying me, tell them I'll do it for free as long as they pay you for the new slogans they should be using:

The Same Formula Since 1886.

We Don't Need to Fix What's Not Broken.

Our Formula Hasn't Changed Since 1886.

It Still Works.

Good Things Don't Have to Change.

Coca-Cola. Created in 1886.

Brilliant stuff, right? That's why we patented those tag lines!

#5. Yes, Mr. Fishy Fishman, I've been eating mac and cheese forever. It helps keep me "regular"! What of it?

#6. And yes, I do have internet access (Duh! How else could I be f**king blogging?), and yes, it allows me to get real time pricing so that I can play the markets, and so that Junior can play the ponies. No, I don't walk around with betting slips. Jodi and Nan keep all the records.

#7. Finally; yes, its true that I'm only making 14 cents an hour. What can I tell you? Alot of people made more than me, just ask Wally Noel or Jeff Picower. Even Stan made more than me! And don't forget about Dopamine! The two Sonny's? Nah..they didn't make as much as me..

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on June 07, 2010 (boomark / email).