Law Humor

Ruth Madoff Speaks Out..Finally

I know that you were busy signing that meaningless "settlement agreement" with the SEC this morning, and that you wanted me to make my own comments on your blog today; but I'm headed over to Equinox, and then I'm getting a pedicure.

After that, I'm headed over to see Mark's baby and do so some shopping. Don't worry, I won't forget to bring you back a big bag of sweet tarts from Dylan's Candy Bar

Jodie can show you how to use the scanner and, if you're sweet heart desires, you can upload this note to your computer and post it to your blog.

I know that many of our friends are confused and disoriented right now. Especially Carol D.

Its upsetting; but let's face it, you and I knew that most of them were always confused and disoriented, and it never upset us before.

But, how many of them, aside from Carol, have even had the courtesy to call us in the past two months?!

While we (well, only you, really) are imprisoned in a our "gilded cage", most of them are still floating around inside of their Baccarat Bubbles in Boca. Do you know how many tennis lessons I've missed in the past two months??!

Yes, its sad that many of them are struggling to figure out how they'll be able to survive with only $10 million, or maybe just $5 million to their names. I'm sure that's traumatizing to many of them. If those people had invited us to dinner every once in a while, maybe things would have worked out differently for them.

But Bernie, even if the idiot news reporters are only focusing on a handful of stories, there are tens of dozens of people that trusted other people with their money, who then deposited it with us, and many have lost everything they have. I had no idea that half of what they were earning was being taken off the top by those 'managers'. Sounds to me like the people over at the SEC should be looking at emails about some of them!!

I was actually in tears when I read about the 90 year old man that has been living off his monthly checks from the BMIS account, and now he's working in a supermarket in order to make ends meet.

Every cloud has a silver lining, so thank God that man has his health, right? Is your whining sister working in a supermarket?? I don't think so.

But I am sad that people have the wrong idea about you. And about me. For example, that bitch who said I "didn't write the cook book" is never, and I mean ever, going to be allowed to invest in the MIDAS fund. As far as I'm concerned, she's crap.

I'm even thinking of having your new friends the Polish's make a special edition toilet paper with her face on it!

(BTW- I forgot tell you that I checked the sales on the Madoff Toilet Paper--we took in 150 orders in the last three days! As usual, you're a marketing genius!)

I also forgot to tell you about the account balance over at J.Aron. We're doing better than I thought.

When you showed me the trading desk comments sent over by your broker at Goldman Sachs, I did what you said, and I faded their buy recommendation on gold and sold futures on half my position. And just like you said, gold dropped like lead--and we made $30/contract in two days. That's one of the best trades we've made in the last last month!! You've always had the MIDAS touch!

I have to run now, or I'll be late for my appointments, but keep smiling. We're going to get through this just fine. I'm always going to be at your side. Unless of course, you get moved to another location. If you're a good boy, maybe we'll fire up the defib later tonight!

Love,
Your Baby Ruth

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on February 09, 2009 (boomark / email).