Law Humor

I Told You..Its MY Bat & Ball

As your long time consigliere, I'm obligated to let you know that our office has been getting numerous phone calls over the past two days from some guy named Rudy that says he's going to "have his friends disconnect our electrical systems" unless we do something to help him and his wife.

If its the same Rudy that I think it is, there's an obvious conflict of interest. Not that our firm doesn't know how to manage potential conflicts, but in this case, since I'm not the one driving around in a Bentley and he is, that's a conflict. You bought Nan a Bentley???

Bernie--a Bentley?? What? You forgot to tell me that in addition to everything else, she has pictures? Of who? Peter? My advice: let Wing worry about it.

2. Good news on the Cohmad front. Schumer's flip flopped again, and his new position on gay rights adds credibilty to M.C.'s arguments, or her lack of even bothering to respond. Chuck is scheduled to speak with Barney Fubber tommorow, so I think the b/d issue is going to be brushed under the carpet.

3. Speaking of carpets. Ruth wanted me to let you know that you should calm down about Picard putting the vacuum cleaners on the frozen asset list. It turns out the the Persians in the apartment in Cap d'Antibes won't need to be cleaned after all. Not by Ruth anyway. Did she really know how to use the vacuum cleaner? I thought that was your shtick?

4. On the Cohmad thing, Sonny C. said something about hiring Sonny D.'s kid. Big mistake. This is the same one that NYSE shit-canned last month. We've got enough problems with "family members" right now. Please don't tell me that the Delaire's have a Bentley too.

5. Siggy Ackerman sent over an invoice from Silver Hill. Please explain to Mark that my role doesn't include managing those kinds of issues. Have him contact Paul, or simply have Enrica write the check. In the interim, I'll speak to Picard about making sure the company's health plan hasn't actually lapsed.

6. No word i.e. Frank D. , but that Arvedlund girl called to ask me if I could 'confirm some things'. I don't know that its a good idea for a reporter to know as much as this one does. But that was your idea.

7. Last, those Gins people sent me the business plan for their "reversible destiny loft". For some reason, they think I'm now in charge of approving the family investments. What? I look like Barack Obama?

Bernie-I know about the Midas thing, but I don't know if we can get one of those contraptions installed at MCC. Maybe when they move you. In any case, I sent them to Shana and the boys. They're the private equity geniuses, right?

Finally, and per above, this video is already all over the place. I'm thinking Rudy doesn't look as disabled as he says he is. So he'll probably want to keep his mouth shut.

I'll see you on Thursday. And don't worry, I'll bring over some more TP. I already scrolled to the right and Marc Polish sent enough for all of the guards there.
I.S., Esq.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 25, 2009 (boomark / email).