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: Thanks, But No Thanks.

Fun with Undergrads: In which we learn I am not really a "people person"

Oh my, oh my, oh my. Sometimes, I am ever-so-patient with the legions of undergraduates that insist upon populating my campus. Other times, not so much. While doing my token paper-pusher job for student services at The Zoo, I've rapidly decelerated from "Yeah! I heart the young 'uns! Let's mentor! Lollipops for everyone!" ....right on into "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here"

Sidenote: Regrettably, not a real zoo. Its actually more of a paper-pushing, no-work-doing, pit of despair for student services at NoSchool's undergrad. You can't feed the animals, though, and there's a lot of poop-flinging. Sometimes, there's popcorn.

Anyway: maybe it is finals, but criminy. Self-sufficiency? Not so much a strong suit with this bunch.

They can't find the copier (behind you, genius). They can't work the copier (blank stare. There are some problems even I cannot fix). They mumble, and then look at you like you're an idiot when you make them repeat it (You are not that special. I have lots of time. Speak like a human.) They look at me like I am an old lady (Law school ages you like presidency and cigarettes, kids. Look out.) They scratch themselves in x-rated places (ew.)

They don't understand what my Shrivel and Dye Evil Eye (TM) means. A loose translation?

To the boy with the child-sized pink umbrella: It's not ironic if you actually are a child. Call me when you can vote.

To the bouncy man-peach in the vinyl vest: Those pants would look better on me. Also, yes, your friends DO hate you. That's why they are late to your study session. Get a grip, turbo.

To the girl who is, OMG, so, like, stressed, about her eight page paper: I hate you.

Finally, to the one who took the last Reeses out of my candy bowl: I know where you study. I control the radio. Do not cross me.

Clearly, I need to work on my communication skills.

Word to the wise: "easy" job at Student Services? Not worth it. People might want you to help them: and Internet, you know how I feel about helping.

PS: I cannot feed anyone to a lion. I asked.

Full post as published by Thanks, But No Thanks. on December 09, 2008 (boomark / email).