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Not Your Normal July Barzam Freak Out

I think I've figured out why I'm not exactly flipping out about the bar exam. It's because I'm really more scared of what comes after the bar. As much as studying sucks, and as much as I have actually missed working, the realization that in 3 short weeks there will be no more class, no more studying, no more mid afternoon coffee runs to the Starbucks across the street from Useless University with friends has really put me into a funk. The only thing I have done for the last 20 years of my life is go to school. The last 7 of those years have been at Useless University. Although law school was anything but fabulous and I'm not sure I would do it again, at the end of the day I really am going to miss being there. I'm going to miss the campus, and the people, and I might even miss some of the stress and headaches. I know that I need to be brave and just jump off the cliff into the "real world" but the thought of doing so really does make me want to puke.

Lately it's become increasingly difficult to fight the urge to check out other school options, like grad schools, or maybe even a Ph.D program. As an undergrad I was always astonished by the so called "professional students," I couldn't understand how anyone could be in school that long. At that time in my life I was having a blast in school, but I just assumed that school would eventually grow old. Law school definitely got old and I was definitely happy and eager to be done. But going to school itself still hasn't grown old. I'm starting to think it never will. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does make it hard for me to start that next chapter that I'm supposed to be moving onto once I have that law license in hand.

When I started the summer of bar prep, I thought that having at least a week and maybe more to relax and do nothing would be absolutely essential. And although I'm excited about the post bar celebration plans and some rest will be a good thing, having down time with potentially no job and nothing to keep me busy while I wait for bar results to be released could quite literally make me go nuts.

Oye, being an adult is so overrated. Where do I go to sign up for recess, finger painting, and PB&J with a Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie for lunch?

Full post as published by [ Useless Dicta ] on July 03, 2009 (boomark / email).