Law Humor

Warning: Do Not Smoke Bracelet While Wearing

Posted on March 30, 2010
Self-explanatory. Link: failblog.org

Strip Searches Lead to Discovery of Comical String Cite, Among Other Things

Posted on March 30, 2010
In February, the Ninth Circuit ruled that police have qualified immunity from civil-rights claims based on a department policy of strip-searching all arrestees (not convicts, just arrestees) who are to be put into "general population." Bull v. City and County...

John O'Hara Still Deserves a Pardon

Posted on March 29, 2010
A reminder that John O'Hara deserves a pardon for the felony voting charges that resulted from the bogus prosecution I wrote about here. He is hoping to get New York Gov. David Paterson to act on his pardon request before...

Juror in Stolen-Credit-Card Case Steals Fellow Juror's Credit Card

Posted on March 29, 2010
Prosecutors in the Bronx have charged 20-year-old Jennifer Mercado with credit card theft after a shopping spree in which she allegedly bought over $500 worth of stuff using someone else's credit card without authorization. She may have gotten the idea...

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Swedish Prisoner Warned Against Further Flatulence Attacks

Posted on March 26, 2010
A prisoner in Malmo, Sweden, has apparently been issued an official warning after the warden decided that the man's repeated episodes of flatulence in fact represented "a series of concerted attacks" on prison staff. The evidence of hostile intent does...

Can You Copyright a Feathered Suit? Mardi Gras Indians Want to Know

Posted on March 26, 2010
According to the New York Times, some of the "Mardi Gras Indians" have been registering copyrights in the "ornate, enormous, feathered costumes" they make themselves and wear three times a year on special occasions in New Orleans. These can cost...

Busy Bank Robbers Call Ahead, Place Order to Go

Posted on March 24, 2010
Much criminal stupidity (on the part of criminals, or otherwise) has graced the pages of this blog, and I am really not one to pick a single favorite or rank anything number one in any category, but I am pretty...

Business-Casual Attire Is Perfect Disguise for Business-Casual Burglar

Posted on March 24, 2010
Next time you see a "new guy" walking around the office, you might want to introduce yourself. You might also want to check to make sure "new guy" is actually an employee, and not, for example, a burglar who is...

Ninth Circuit Grapples With Whether Bare Hands Are "Weapons"

Posted on March 23, 2010
Here's today's Daily Double: A: Nine. Q: How many pages would it take the Ninth Circuit to explain why attacking someone with bare hands does not qualify as "assault with a dangerous weapon"? United States v. Rocha, No. 08-50175 (9th...

Baffling Mistakes Criminals Make All the Time

Posted on March 22, 2010
The excellent comedy site Cracked.com specializes in lists, and I noticed that today's list addresses a subject frequently covered here, namely "Baffling Mistakes Criminals Apparently Make All the Time." There are lots of ways to categorize these, but here is...

Government Agency Apologizes for Evicting British Jedi

Posted on March 18, 2010
Thirty-one-year-old Chris Jarvis was escorted out of a government office in the UK recently for refusing to remove his hood, which a spokesperson said visitors must do for security reasons. Jarvis complained to the Department for Work and Pensions, on...

Clown Shoes Were Defective, Woman Claims

Posted on March 17, 2010
According to the New York Post, 56-year-old Sherri Perper has sued a costume company and other businesses for injuries she sustained at a Halloween party in 2008. Perper allegedly sustained leg fractures after a fall she says was caused by...

NY Bill Would Ban the Use of Salt in Restaurant Cooking

Posted on March 16, 2010
New York Assemblyman Felix Ortiz (D-Brooklyn) has introduced a bill that would prohibit restaurants in the state from using salt when preparing any dish to be served to customers. You will be pleased to know that, at least for now,...

Greg Brady's Girlfriend Claims He Had His Lawyer Break Up With Her

Posted on March 16, 2010
I have to say that the only source I have for this item so far is the gossipy site RadarOnline.com, and so I need to make clear that these are only allegations, no matter how much I may hope they...

Who Dat? Inc. Sues for Misappropriation, Everything Else It Can Think Of

Posted on March 15, 2010
You will recall that in the run-up to the Super Bowl, a battle broke out over the use of "Who Dat," a phrase associated with the New Orleans Saints for many years now. The NFL started telling people not to...

Back Waxing Becomes Issue in Florida Senate Race

Posted on March 12, 2010
Taking the high road in his campaign for the GOP U.S. Senate nomination, Florida Governor Charlie Crist suggested on Monday that his opponent in that primary, Marco Rubio, might have used a Republican Party credit card for personal expenses, and...

Attorneys, Bartenders, Dog Groomers on Dangerous-Driver List

Posted on March 11, 2010
According to a study by online insurance company insurance.com, attorneys (including judges) are at the very top of the list of most dangerous drivers, a result that a company spokesperson suggested was because of their mistaken belief that they are....

No-Dueling Promise May Be Dropped From Kentucky Oath

Posted on March 10, 2010
As I wrote last year (here, and here), since 1849 the Kentucky Constitution has required anyone holding any "office of honor or profit" to swear that they have never fought or otherwise participated in a duel. This provision was added...

Two Sentences, 646 Words, One Lame Opinion

Posted on March 09, 2010
On Monday, blogger Eric Turkewitz was rightfully horrified by two sentences in a decision by a New York appellate court. Here's the first sentence from Dockery v. Sprecher: In an action, inter alia, to recover damages for medical malpractice, etc.,...

Legal Tool of the Week

Posted on March 08, 2010
If you think the "Legal Tool of the Week" might be, let's say, Westlaw or some new iPhone app, you are at the wrong website. In fact, it is William Ogletree, a 62-year-old Texas attorney who is the owner of...

Attorney Convicted of Voting Seeks Pardon

Posted on March 05, 2010
As you may have heard, things have not been going so well for New York Governor David Paterson, who has announced he will not run for another term. Another scandal has since come to light (although considering what the previous...

Clown Trouble

Posted on March 04, 2010
It isn't the first time someone in Florida has been charged with wearing a mask in public, but it's "pretty uncommon," said a sheriff's department spokesperson. She was talking about the arrest of 19-year-old Matthew Lopez for the crime of...

Fourth Circuit Reinstates Exploding-Sandwich Lawsuit

Posted on March 03, 2010
More sandwich news today: the Fourth Circuit has reinstated a lawsuit filed by a Florida carnival operator who claimed that his face and lips were burned by hot grease that exploded out of a McDonald's fried-chicken sandwich when he bit...

Laziest Man in the World Is Not American

Posted on March 03, 2010
USA! USA! USA! The laziest man in the world is not in the USA! This will come as a surprise to many who mock the apparently unstoppable fattening of the U.S. population, but the laziest man in the world is...

BREAKING NEWS: Smithsonian Doesn't Want O.J.'s "Acquittal Suit"

Posted on March 03, 2010
The Smithsonian Institution has said thanks, but no thanks, after being offered the suit O.J. Simpson was wearing in 1995 when he was acquitted of murdering Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. The suit has been the subject of a...

City Council Sues Itself, Seeks Costs for Frivolous Lawsuit

Posted on March 02, 2010
The author of a book about the parking situation in London (which is evidently so bad an entire book can be written about it) says that area city councils routinely issue tickets to city-owned vehicles but then dispute the tickets,...

Sandwiches Not Sufficiently Meaty, Lawsuit Claims

Posted on February 28, 2010
Saying that certain Blimpie's sandwiches do not live up to advertising claims, Ronald Williams and Jennifer Clayton have sued the chain's owner in Madison County, Illinois, on behalf of a class of similarly situated consumers. (If any.) Plaintiffs claim that...

New Royals Mascot Reportedly Training to Avoid Further Hot-Dog Incidents

Posted on February 26, 2010
TMZ is reporting that the Kansas City Royals have selected the next person who will wear the Sluggerrr mascot costume, and that the new guy is planning to go through a "mascot boot camp" run by Dave Raymond, the original...

Dog-Flinging Mascot Blamed for Eye Injury

Posted on February 25, 2010
It's been almost a year since my last mascot story -- that one was in March 2009, after somebody punched McGruff the Crime Dog in the face -- so I had been on the lookout for one. But I did...

TSA Detains Possible Terrorist Armed With Flashcards

Posted on February 24, 2010
Here's something else to add to the Transportation Safety Administration training manual. It's a simple six-point terrorist screening test I have just devised: If you notice that a traveler is carrying Arabic-English flashcards, and that person already speaks fluent English,...

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