Law Humor

Longest Known Sentence in a Legal Document?

Posted on April 26, 2010
Your assignment for this week is to diagram the following sentence, which appeared in a recent order issued by the U.S. Court of International Trade: The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit (?CAFC?) having misread this court?s opinion...

Circuses Legal Again in Turkmenistan

Posted on April 24, 2010
Good news for circus-lovers in Turkmenistan -- the ban has finally been lifted. Circuses were banned years ago by the country's former ruler, Saparmurat Niyazov. MSNBC called Niyazov an "eccentric autocrat" but that is understating it just a bit. Niyazov...

TIP: Lawyer-Client Interactions Should Not Involve Baseball Bat

Posted on April 23, 2010
Joshua Robinson, 38, a West Virginia lawyer, pleaded guilty on April 19 to a felony charge of "unlawful wounding" after he was arrested for going after a client with a baseball bat. I suppose there are situations in which you...

Bizarre-Lawsuit Coverage

Posted on April 23, 2010
Welcome to the many people who appear to be visiting via the Bing link on MSN's "Bizarre Lawsuits" feature. As it happens, the story MSN has linked to -- the Dumouchel family's threat to sue its cable company for giving...

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Lawsuit Alleges Failure to Supervise Gophers

Posted on April 22, 2010
From this week's California case reports: Jensen Corporation Landscape Contractor v. McGuire & Hester; Cabrillo Community College District; Western Surety Co., No. CV167244 (filed Apr. 16, 2010). Breach of contract. The plaintiff suffered additional labor and material costs due to...

Birther-In-Chief Orly Taitz Loses Again

Posted on April 22, 2010
Orly Taitz, the crusading Moldovan-American lawyer-dentist who has been tirelessly seeking to prove that President Obama was born someplace other than Hawaii, has lost again. Judge Royce Lamberth, chief judge of the D.C. federal court (and a Reagan appointee) tossed...

State Legislatures Working on Anti-Microchip-Implant Legislation

Posted on April 21, 2010
With all other problems now solved, state legislatures are taking the opportunity to pass laws that will keep our brains (and other parts) free of unwanted microchips. Georgia Rep. Ed Setzler, a supporter of SB 235, the Microchip Consent Act...

The Burglar With a Sense of Humor

Posted on April 20, 2010
I haven't been able to find a news report on the Internet to support this -- or maybe it is just old -- but I like it too much not to re-post it: Homeowners, I would advise each of you...

President Accused of Theft, Failing to Pay Massive Library Fines

Posted on April 19, 2010
Yet another presidential scandal broke over the weekend, as a library in New York accused George Washington of failing to return valuable library materials checked out during his presidency. The former president could not be reached for comment. The New...

Bar-Code-Scanner Assault Case Is Dismissed

Posted on April 16, 2010
On Wednesday, a judge in Erie, Pennsylvania, ruled that Dominica Juliano and her mother had failed to present enough evidence to prove that 12-year-old Dominica had actually been injured by a bar-code scanner, as plaintiffs had claimed. According to the...

$65,000 Verdict in "Mr. Snappy" Comb-Assault Case

Posted on April 16, 2010
This case report dates back to late 2005, but for some reason was only recently brought to my attention: Greene County, Missouri (Springfield)- Assault & Battery; Case #102CC1251; Judge: Mark Fitzsimmons Verdict: 12/21/05 for Plaintiff $65,000.00. Chris Ames v...

Judge Defends Decision to Issue Warrant for Overdue DVD

Posted on April 15, 2010
Ex-judge, that is. After his firing, which you may recall was prompted by the jailing of a 19-year-old for failing to return a DVD to the library, former municipal judge James Kimmel stood by his decision to issue a bench...

North Face Settles With South Butt

Posted on April 13, 2010
Last December, as you may recall, the North Face Apparel Co. sued The South Butt LLC, a company started by Missouri teenager Jimmy Winkelmann. North Face alleged that South Butt was infringing and diluting the famous North Face trademark. The...

Plaintiff Alleges She Was Steven Seagal's Sex Slave

Posted on April 13, 2010
In a lawsuit filed Monday, a 23-year-old woman charged actor Steven Seagal (who you may remember, or not, from such films as Above the Law, Hard to Kill, and Under Siege) with sex trafficking, harassment and wrongful termination. Kayden Nguyen...

Remarkable April Fools' Saga Draws to a Close

Posted on April 12, 2010
I wrote on April 2 about an April Fools' Day prank by law blogger Eric Turkewitz (and others) who managed to fool the New York Times, at least briefly. Turns out that was only the first act in a drama...

Judge Finds Hockey Player Guilty of "Being a Colossal Asshole"

Posted on April 10, 2010
I think this is the first time I've used this particular word here, but I think it has to be done. On April 9, the chief judge of the provincial court for Canada's Prince Edward Island acquitted a local hockey...

Arrest Warrant Based on Overdue DVD Is Last Straw for Colorado Judge

Posted on April 09, 2010
The city council of Littleton, Colorado, said Tuesday that although councilmembers were "disappointed and saddened" by the situation, the council had decided to fire Municipal Judge James Kimmel after almost 30 years of service. Matters came to a head after...

Airport Worker Caught Taking Picture of Scanner Screen Showing Female Worker "Naked"

Posted on April 09, 2010
Hold it -- I distinctly remember being told that under TSA rules this could not happen. It did? Well, at least we can be thankful that the scanners aren't actually capable of storing or sending the images they take of...

Two Leave Legal Profession

Posted on April 09, 2010
First, as you have likely heard, Justice John Paul Stevens announced today that he will retire at the end of the Court's current term. The announcement comes just 11 days short of the Justice's 90th birthday, and, not that it...

Court: Cell-Phone User Should Not Have Been Held in Contempt

Posted on April 08, 2010
A Florida appellate court has ruled that a judge went too far when he held Michelle McRoy in contempt after her cell phone rang in court. In the 2009 incident, Judge Anthony Johnson not only found McRoy in contempt, he...

The Guy in the Suit Is Running for Office

Posted on April 08, 2010
From a report earlier today: Firefighters wrap up at the scene of a fire at 15 M. St. in Hampton this morning, where a home was gutted by two fires this morning. Right, Wayne McGowen, who was sleeping in the...

Internet Proves Pigs Can Fly, Judge Says

Posted on April 07, 2010
He was being just a tad sarcastic, but he did say it. On April 6, the California Court of Appeal vacated a lower court's ruling that Steven Martinez should be granted a "compassionate release" from prison because he is a...

BARGAIN ALERT: Law Degrees Cheap in Kazakhstan

Posted on April 07, 2010
That was fast. A reader (from Chicago) informed me just now that 41,400 Kazakh tenge is currently the equivalent of US $281.80, so assuming that the Institute will be offering a U.S.-standard three-year law degree (about 90 credit-hours), that works....

JOB ALERT: Kazakhstan Law School Looking for a Dean

Posted on April 07, 2010
How far are you willing to go for a job? If the answer is "a really long way," you should know that the Legal Profession Blog reported yesterday that a law school in Almaty, Kazakhstan, is looking for a dean....

Man Still Cannot Use "Here's Johnny" for Portable Toilet Business, Says Trademark Board

Posted on April 06, 2010
Some men's dreams do not die easily. Earl J. Braxton is such a man. In 1977, the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Michigan ruled that Braxton could not use the phrase "Here's Johnny" for a business that...

A Year of Lowering the Bar

Posted on April 05, 2010
My latest article, "A Year of Lowering the Bar," appears in the most recent version of The Green Bag's yearly almanac & reader, or to use its full title, the "Almanac of Useful and Entertaining Tidbits for Lawyers for the...

New York Times is April Fooled by Law Blogger

Posted on April 02, 2010
Not me, unfortunately -- as I pointed out yesterday, nobody with fingers and access to a search engine would be fooled for very long by anything I tried to pass off as serious. But somebody, or a group of somebodies,...

Stop the Sag, Says State Senator

Posted on April 01, 2010
On Sunday, New York state senator Eric Adams announced the start of the latest campaign to raise the pants of America's youth. Adams described the "Stop the Sag!" campaign as a major effort to fight what he called the "insidious...

Why There's Nothing Special Here for April Fools' Day

Posted on April 01, 2010
I think the reason is because, in a sense, every day is April Fools' Day here. I mean, for example, did any of you really believe that any of these things actually happened? Two Gypsy clans go to court over...

Peeps Eviction Trial Postponed

Posted on March 31, 2010
An Easter-week showdown has been averted in the trial of a Colorado woman who claims she was wrongfully evicted for refusing to remove marshmallow Peeps and other Easter decorations from her apartment door last year. Carol Burdick was evicted last...

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