Law Humor

"Some Rumors Should Rest Untested"

Posted on September 18, 2009
Here's an opinion by the Minnesota Court of Appeals that is unpublished, but should not go unread. Below are the first two sentences of the court's opinion - I have reversed the order for slightly greater comedic effect: Four teenage...

Attorney Crashes Party at Courthouse Groundbreaking

Posted on September 17, 2009
A new federal courthouse is being built in Austin, Texas, and a groundbreaking ceremony was held there on September 2 that attracted numerous dignitaries. Just the group assembled for the ceremonial groundbreaking portrait below included two district judges, two magistrate...

Big Firm Rocked by Tab-Divider Scam

Posted on September 16, 2009
In what is believed to be the largest tab-divider scam yet perpetrated on a large American law firm, three men are accused of defrauding Wilson Sonsini Goodrich & Rosati out of $1 million by charging it for tab dividers that...

Practice Tip: Good Behavior Advisable During Disciplinary Hearing

Posted on September 15, 2009
Here's the tip: If you are facing disciplinary charges alleging that you were disruptive and abusive in court, don't be disruptive and abusive during the disciplinary hearing. Colorado attorney Mark Brennan forgot this rule during a hearing in July, during...

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Sex Fees Not Deductible Medical Expenses, Tax Court Rules

Posted on September 15, 2009
Therapeutic? Probably. Deductible? No. So ruled the U.S. Tax Court yesterday in the case of William Halby, a New York tax attorney who claimed that the amounts he spent on, let's call them personal-gratification-related books and materials, and also numerous...

Plaintiffs' Firm Sued by Potential Client After Chair Collapse

Posted on September 14, 2009
"We seek justice for people who have suffered from the negligence of others," says the website of Fetterman & Associates, a well-known plaintiffs' law firm in Florida. "If you are the victim of injuries . . . please contact us...

Police Investigating Burglary Fail to Notice Burglar Returning to Steal TV

Posted on September 13, 2009
A determined burglar returned to the scene of his crime to re-steal a TV, managing to get away with the set while police were still inside the house. Homeowner Steve Fluegge, of Pensacola, Florida, said he surprised a burglar inside...

Longest Known Judicial Oath

Posted on September 11, 2009
According to the people at Improbable Research, who collect interesting and completely ridiculous studies done in many scientific fields (including the social sciences), the longest known oath required of witnesses in a judicial proceeding was the oath required in Burmese...

UPDATE: "Open Mike" Duvall Resigns

Posted on September 10, 2009
Well, that didn't take long. Just one day after the public disclosure of his affair with a lobbyist, on whom he was also cheating (if that's the right word) with a third woman, all of which was revealed by him...

Monkey Mask Fails to Defeat Traffic Camera

Posted on September 10, 2009
This may seem at first like a great idea for beating those automatic photo-enforcement cameras they set up to catch speeders: I would honestly like to be able to say this idea worked and that there was still a mystery...

Recent Headlines

Posted on September 09, 2009
"Cops find man isn't dead, just a slob" (NY Daily News) "Man to Somerville Police: 'I'm naked. You can't take me'" (Somerville Journal) "Men's room rant to judge leads to jail sentence" (Associated Press) "Driver plows into Grand Junction liquor...

Open Mike Likely to Close Out Legislator's Career

Posted on September 09, 2009
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: If you are a state representative who is the vice-chairman of the legislature's commerce committee and a member of its ethics committee, are married with two children and are...

Malaysian Woman Sentenced to Caning for Drinking Beer

Posted on September 08, 2009
I have been meaning to post on this case for a while, and given yesterday's post on the story of Lubna Hussein, the Sudanese woman punished for wearing pants, now seems like a good time. In July, Kartika Sari Dewi...

Sudan Fines Woman Who Dared To Wear Pants

Posted on September 07, 2009
The New York Times reports that a Sudanese woman has been fined the equivalent of $200 after a trial on Monday in which she was found guilty of wearing pants in public. She was, however, spared the 40 lashes she...

Slight Problems Found With "Nurse of the Year" Award

Posted on September 06, 2009
Here is a short list of the potential problems that authorities recently alleged alleged in connection with Betty Lichtenstein's "Nurse of the Year" award, which she received in 2008: She isn't a nurse. Wait, I found a few more: She...

Don't Miss The [Alberto] Gonzales Cantata

Posted on September 05, 2009
Only two shows left for The Gonzales Cantata, the world's first concert opera based entirely on former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales's 2007 appearance before the Senate Judiciary Committee. As you may recall, Gonzales was questioned and criticized (by Republicans...

Iraqi Shoe-Thrower to Get Early Release

Posted on September 03, 2009
BAGHDAD -- An Iraqi journalist imprisoned for hurling his shoes at former President George W. Bush will be released next month after his sentence was reduced for good behavior, his lawyer said Saturday. Muntadhar al-Zeidi, you may recall, threw both....

Funkytown's Crazy Co-Mayors

Posted on September 02, 2009
I'm a little miffed that my hometown, Kansas City, waited until after I moved away to elect crazy people to run it. Actually, the voters elected one person, Mark Funkhouser, to be mayor, but he brought along his wife Gloria...

An Unusual Penalty

Posted on September 01, 2009
The New York Times Topics blog has a post today on prepositional phrases and how they can result in unintentional comedy if you aren't careful. This is common in legal writing, too, and one of the NYT's examples has a...

Tour Companies Battle Over Trademarked Duck Noises

Posted on August 31, 2009
I suppose it was only a matter of time before Ride the Ducks and Bay Quackers ended up in litigation. Both companies operate land-and-water tours using amphibious vehicles of a type known in World War II as DUKWs or "Ducks,"...

Wrongening the Math

Posted on August 30, 2009
It seems that I got the math wrong in my post a couple of weeks ago about the $1 trillion lawsuit against Oprah Winfrey. See "Oprah Stole My Poetry, Man Claims In $1 Trillion Lawsuit," Lowering the Bar (Aug. 12,...

Good Reason to Kill #60: Messed With Your Dungeons & Dragons Character

Posted on August 28, 2009
Happily, this was not a successful killing attempt, but Zachary King did go after two acquaintances with a hammer due partly to hurt feelings over a game of Dungeons & Dragons the previous day. King's preliminary hearing was held on...

Possible Joe Francis Defense Arguments: He Knows Celebrities, Is Just Like Hefner

Posted on August 27, 2009
There's been lots of interest in the post the other day about the deposition conduct of Joe Francis, the "Girls Gone Wild" mogul who, it now seems, may have replaced Roy "Lost Pants" Pearson as the gift that keeps on...

Do You Really Want Your GPS Directions Read By Bob Dylan?

Posted on August 26, 2009
On his BBC Radio 6 Music Sunday show on August 23, Bob Dylan told listeners that he is "talking to a couple of car companies" about becoming the voice of their GPS navigation systems. Great artist, terrible idea. It is...

Defendant Gone Wild

Posted on August 25, 2009
"He has put a lot of this foolish behavior behind him," said Joe Francis's lawyer in 2007, but guess what? He had plenty left. Back then, Mr. Francis, who some of you may know as the purveyor of "Girls Gone...

"I'm With The CIA" Defense Fails Again

Posted on August 24, 2009
Whether or not this defense will work in the context of possible prosecutions for torture enhanced interrogation techniques remains to be seen, but it does not seem likely to help dodge a speeding ticket. Sources reported today that a man...

Michael Jackson's Death Led to Arson, Says Arsonist

Posted on August 23, 2009
The death of the King of Pop has certainly affected each and every one of us, and we show our respect and our grief in various ways. Some buy his music, some build makeshift shrines, and some set fire to...

Taster's Choice Follow-Up: Is "Youthened" A Word?

Posted on August 21, 2009
A reader has suggested that maybe the most noteworthy thing about the Christoff decision is that "the California Supreme Court thinks 'youthened' is a legitimate verb." See Christoff v. Nestle USA, Inc., No. S155242, slip op. at 3 (Cal. Aug....

Dolphins Blamed For Woman's Slip And Fall

Posted on August 20, 2009
Allecyn Edwards, possibly wanting to prove she could be as creative as her parents were with her first name, alleged in a complaint filed August 18 that the Brookfield Zoo and its dolphins are responsible for injuries she suffered last...

California Supreme Court Rules In Taster's Case

Posted on August 20, 2009
The California Supreme Court ruled on August 17 in a case I have been following for some time, namely the dispute between the maker of Taster's Choice coffee and one of its former Tasters over an allegedly unlawful use of...

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