Law Humor

Yet More Comical Case Names

Posted on December 15, 2009
Added about half a dozen new ones to the list, including: United States v. 2,507 Live Canary Winged Parakeets, 689 F. Supp. 1106 (S.D. Fla. 1988). United States v. An Article Consisting of 50,000 Cardboard Boxes More or Less, Each...

And Still More Comical Case Names

Posted on December 15, 2009
Batman v. Commissioner, 189 F.2d 107 (5th Cir.), cert. denied, 342 U.S. 877 (1951). and United States ex rel. Mayo v. Satan and His Staff (W.D. Pa. 1971). A reader just sent me the excellent "Batman v. Commissioner," of which...

Car Sounded Like It Was Speeding, Officer Testifies

Posted on December 14, 2009
In 2007, Daniel Freitag got a speeding ticket in West Salem, Ohio. Patrolman Ken Roth said he had measured Freitag's speed with a radar gun, but that evidence was thrown out on appeal because the state had failed to provide...

Fugitive Located Inside Homeland Security Department Office

Posted on December 12, 2009
Reports last week said that Tahaya Buchanan had simply walked into the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services office in Atlanta, despite the existence of a nationwide alert seeking her arrest. In fact, she apparently did this repeatedly for quite some...

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More Failures to Keep a Low Profile When Falsely Claiming Disability

Posted on December 10, 2009
Two recent stories again make the point that if you have decided to commit fraud by falsely claiming to be disabled, you really should try not to draw attention to your not-disabled self. Ronald Hunt, an interior designer in California,...

ANOTHER REASON NOT TO USE ALL CAPS, NOT THAT YOU NEED MORE THAN ONE REASON

Posted on December 09, 2009
One of the bad habits that lawyers have trouble breaking is using all capital letters, especially in the headings of legal documents. (Okay, not nearly as interesting as the bad habits Tiger Woods has trouble breaking, but I think enough...

TSA Fails to Secure Its Own PDFs

Posted on December 09, 2009
I think I have mentioned before the danger of "redacting" PDF files by just drawing black boxes over the words you want to keep secret. Many of you already know that doing this isn't safe because people with advanced document-forensics...

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like . . . This

Posted on December 06, 2009
Now at the top of the Naughty List: William Caldwell, a 45-year-old man who patiently waited in line at a Georgia mall to tell Santa that he had a present for him: dynamite. No bomb was found, but Caldwell was...

Christ Excused From Jury Duty

Posted on December 04, 2009
Yet another way to get out of jury duty: change your name to "Jesus Christ." Actually, that may not be enough, based on the report this week that Jesus Christ, in this incarnation a 59-year-old woman formerly known as "Dorothy...

ALERT: Unauthorized Bow-Wow-Wow-Yippie-Yo-Yippie-Yea-ing May Result in Liability

Posted on December 03, 2009
Here's yet another reason why those of you who are always going around singing "bow wow wow, yippie yo, yippie yea," need to stop doing that. I'm talking to you, Dick Cheney. The Sixth Circuit ruled recently in a copyright...

Lawyer Misses Flight; Now Working at Airport Information Desk

Posted on December 02, 2009
Ironically, having posted just yesterday about being habitually late for things, including air travel, I missed my flight this morning. Since, unlike some secretaries, my secretary is apparently not devoted enough to call in bomb threats on my behalf even...

Police Dog: The Meat-Smuggler's Nemesis

Posted on December 02, 2009
In August, police in Framingham, Massachusetts, responded to a report that a gas station had been robbed. They brought along a tracking dog and released it in the direction in which witnesses said the robber had gone. Just a few...

Employee Goes Extra Mile for Boss With Bomb Threat

Posted on December 01, 2009
To: My Secretary From: Me Date: Today Re: You Not Calling in Bomb Threats on My Behalf Sara: As you know, I habitually run late for everything, especially air travel. It has come to my attention that other people's assistants...

Bank Demands Thumbprint Before Cashing Check; Says Lack of Arms No Excuse

Posted on October 01, 2009
This one is really pretty straightforward. The bank requires a thumbprint before cashing a check for anyone who does not have an account there. Steve Valdez did not have an account, but he also has no thumbs. The bank rejected...

British Government Considers Mandating Plastic Pint Glasses

Posted on September 30, 2009
Trying to control stabbings by banning knives that have a point on the end was bad enough. But this is really going too far. The BBC reported recently that the British Home Office is seeking a new design for pint...

Mock School Robbery Leads to Actual School Lockdown

Posted on September 29, 2009
A high school in Montrose, Michigan, offers what sounds like a pretty cool class in forensic science. Over the past several years the class has included a surprise event in which people portraying masked gunmen stage a mock robbery, and...

Beer-Drinking Woman's Caning Can Proceed, Says Malaysian Court

Posted on September 29, 2009
Now that Ramadan is over, the case of Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno is back in the news. As you know, Ramadan is the Muslim holy month during which followers abstain during daylight hours from things like eating, drinking, smoking, and...

New Supreme Court Portrait Reveals Lack of Consensus

Posted on September 29, 2009
On whether or not to look at the camera, anyway: Actually, that does not appear to be the final official portrait. Good thing, because this almost seems like one of those band photos where they all insist on broodingly staring...

Attorney Loses Round One in Battle for First Amendment Right to Wear Hats

Posted on September 28, 2009
Q: Does the First Amendment to the United States Constitution guarantee an attorney the right to wear whatever he or she wants to wear in court? A: No. This is the lesson of Bank v. Katz, a case decided on...

Wellford Police Allowed to Chase Criminals Again

Posted on September 28, 2009
Criminals in Wellford, South Carolina, now must again be concerned that police may come after them, even if they are more than an arm's-length away. WSPA News reported recently that Mayor Sallie Peake decided to rescind the no-chase policy she...

Police in South Carolina Town Not Allowed to Chase Suspects

Posted on September 25, 2009
There are many sad examples of innocent bystanders and police officers being injured as a result of high-speed chases, and so it is understandable that some cities might direct officers not to engage in those kinds of pursuits, on the...

Bank of America Sued for 1.784 Sextillion Dollars

Posted on September 25, 2009
Apparently hoping to either (a) send a message, (b) set the new record for largest demand ever made in a lawsuit, (c) be awarded all of the money that may exist in the galaxy, in whatever human or alien denominations...

It's a Series of Tubes!

Posted on September 25, 2009
If you were getting a "Page Not Found" response earlier today, that was because I seem to have jacked up some server settings when I was tinkering with them last night. Me doing that is sort of like Tom DeLay...

Dancing With the Indicted

Posted on September 24, 2009
Link: ABC

Joe Francis Pleads Guilty, Avoids Jail in Tax Case

Posted on September 24, 2009
"I'm happy to finally be able to redirect my attention to the business at hand, which is to provide quality entertainment," said Joe Francis after his guilty plea was accepted on September 23. "Quality" is not really the first adjective...

Motion Dismissed for "Negligent Stapling"

Posted on September 24, 2009
The ABA Journal reports today that a judge in New York dismissed a motion for default judgment partly because it had been so poorly stapled. It appears that the staple or staples used were inadequately closed during the stapling process,...

Emu Tased

Posted on September 23, 2009
On Sunday, police in Scott County, Mississippi, finally cornered and subdued one of the emus that have apparently been threatening motorists on Interstate Highway 20 for the last few days. If you are traveling in the area, please be aware...

UPDATE: State High Court Will Not Review Burning Man Case

Posted on September 22, 2009
On September 16, the California Supreme Court refused to hear the appeal of Anthony Beninati, who blamed promoters of the Burning Man festival for injuries he sustained in 2005. Its decision affirmed that of the Court of Appeal, which ruled...

A Sentence Rarely Found in Legal Pleadings

Posted on September 21, 2009
Link: Brant v. The Chop Shop, Inc., Civ. No. 09-3464 (E.D. Pa. filed Aug. 31, 2009) (PDF) Link: On Point News

Great Wall Warnings

Posted on September 19, 2009
I guess the bottom sign might be asking that others assist heart patients who may be trying to ascend the Great Wall, rather than a warning to the latter not to do so. It's hard to say. There seems little...

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