Law Humor

Court Rejects Unabomber's Request to Get Unabombing Stuff Back

Posted on January 31, 2009
Good news -- convicted "Unabomber" Ted Kaczynski, now serving a life term for murder, will not be getting back any of the unabomb-making materials that the FBI seized from his cabin in 1996. Kaczynski's cabin.Defense experts argued that Kacyznski's twisted...

Man Cited for "Riding White Horse in a Snowstorm"

Posted on January 30, 2009
I put that in quotes only because it sounded to me like some kind of drug-related slang term, but in fact it was exactly what it describes. Police in Cody, Wyoming, said they cited a 28-year-old man on Sunday for...

Blagojevich Out

Posted on January 29, 2009
The vote was unanimous. Link: Chicago Tribune

Ladies and Gentlemen, Rod Blagojevich Has Left the Building

Posted on January 29, 2009
And now, the end is near;And so I face the final curtain.My friend, I'll say it clear,I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.I've made my wallet fullBy selling each and every highway;But more, much more than this,I did it...

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Blagojevich Now Giving "Closing Argument"

Posted on January 29, 2009
Having refused to show up at what he called an unfair "kangaroo court," making the rounds of talk shows instead, soon-to-be-former Governor Rod Blagojevich said on Wednesday that he had decided he would make an appearance at his own impeachment...

Chicago Police Discover (Eventually) That 14-Year-Old Isn't Real Officer

Posted on January 28, 2009
A Chicago boy has been charged with impersonating a police officer after he successfully impersonated a police officer for several hours, despite being only 14 years old. To clarify, he fooled other police officers, not just the public. The boy,...

God Made That Deposit, Says Couple Who Spent It

Posted on January 27, 2009
Randy Pratt, who along with his wife is facing felony theft and conspiracy charges for spending $175,000 that their bank says didn't belong to them, told a court last week that they kept the money because they considered it "a...

One More View on the Oath of Office

Posted on January 26, 2009
On FindLaw.com today, law professor Michael Dorf weighs in on the oath-of-office controversy. I was pleased to see that he reached pretty much the same conclusions as I did: that because of the Twentieth Amendment, the oath wasn't necessary to...

Sarcasm Not Helpful to Arrestee

Posted on January 23, 2009
Here's a story that reminds us that if you're clearly going to get arrested anyway, you might as well lighten the mood a little with some good quips. This has to be done very carefully to be effective, however, and...

I Do Solemnly Swear That I Have Heard Enough About the Oath

Posted on January 22, 2009
Just when you think American political discourse can't get any more trivial, and I often do, then it does. Get more trivial. You know what I mean. As you all likely know by now, President Obama took the oath of...

Tax Returns Are Hard, Says Federal Reserve Bank President

Posted on January 21, 2009
According to a spokesman, the mistake Timothy Geithner made on his tax returns is a common one, and since he's corrected it and paid the $34,000 he owed, the matter should be considered closed. Our system is so complicated, said...

Transition

Posted on January 20, 2009
From a New York Times blog today: The Bushes Depart | 12:56 p.m. The helicopter steps are folded up. The blade begins to rotate. The Obamas and Bidens are standing still, holding each other?s hands, as they watch the helicopter...

Inauguration Day Edition

Posted on January 20, 2009
Good news for Obama supporters -- Myanmar's "top astrologer" is predicting not only that Obama will be elected to a second term, but also that he will not be killed during either one. "Obama will definitely be re-elected again," said...

Aquarium Stocked With Stolen Sea Creatures

Posted on January 19, 2009
A 30-year-old New York man is being charged with grand and petit larceny for crimes he committed during the last two months. The grand larceny charge is for stealing a shark and the petit larceny is for swiping a moray...

Cranky Lady Who Kept Stray Football Sues for Emotional Distress

Posted on January 16, 2009
Last October in Cincinnati, an 89-year-old woman who was sick of kids' toys ending up in her yard was arrested after she confiscated a stray football. According to Edna Jester -- and if I was going to make up a...

Serial Toilet Arsonist Continues to Terrorize San Francisco

Posted on January 14, 2009
The person or persons unknown who have been setting fire to portable toilets in San Francisco has (or have) struck again, the SF Chronicle reports today. Since this is happening in San Francisco, we can assume it is some sort...

Restraining Order Entered After Christmas Wii Assault

Posted on January 13, 2009
A New Hampshire judge refused Monday to lift an order that requires Randi Young, 24, and Heath Blom, 26, to stay away from each other. Both were arrested on Christmas Day after a Nintendo-Wii-related incident that allegedly turned violent. According....

Robbers "Overly Prepared," Says Guard Who Chased and Sat on Them

Posted on January 12, 2009
The off-duty guard who captured two teenage robbers in New Zealand last month said he noticed them before the robbery began because they were overdoing their preparations a bit.Herman Sakaria was driving home from work when he saw the two...

Doping Scandal Strikes Sport of Kings, Dorks

Posted on January 12, 2009
You can now add one to the list of sports tainted by scandal over the possible use of banned substances. If you think chess is a sport, anyway.The possibility of "doping" by international chess athletes got some publicity recently when...

Officials Say Pumpkin-Wearers Not In Compliance With Helmet Law

Posted on January 09, 2009
Reports this week said that police in Nigeria have begun cracking down on taxi passengers who refuse to wear helmets as a new law requires. The helmets are required for passengers of what the article described as the hordes of...

Bay Area Docket (Jan. 6, 2009)

Posted on January 09, 2009
A new case filed this week in SF Superior Court. I feel a little guilty about finding this hilarious, but I do: Thomas [redacted]., a minor, by his guardian ad litem v. Napa Valley Wine Country Tours; Shayne One; Richard...

It's Officially an "Ugly Divorce" If Somebody Wants a Kidney Back

Posted on January 08, 2009
The breakup of any long-term relationship always involves some awkward moments where you have to split up the possessions you shared and decide who really owns what. It's awkward enough when you're talking about CDs. Much worse when somebody wants...

Bear Forced to Wear Wire in Custody Battle

Posted on January 08, 2009
It's bad enough that our government is now routinely spying on us. Now you can't even trust stuffed animals. Last week, a Nebraska man sued his ex-wife, her father, and the woman's former law firm for allegedly hiding a recording...

Pearson Returns; Seeks En Banc Hearing in Pants Case

Posted on January 06, 2009
Today brings the expected but still welcome news that former administrative judge Roy Pearson is still pursuing his case against the dry cleaners who allegedly lost his pants (shown, left, at a post-trial fundraiser in their honor). This is despite...

University, Manufacturer Sued After "Musical Chairs" Injury

Posted on January 06, 2009
From today's report of newly filed San Francisco cases: Jason Miller v. Academy of Art University; Academy of Art University Foundation; Stephens Institute Inc.; Elisa Stephens; Scott Stephens; Samsonite Corporation; Does12/31/2008 CGC-08-483694 Complaint for negligence, products liability and premises liability...

Bail Granted On Condition Defendant Wear Underwear

Posted on January 06, 2009
Ben Hana, a homeless resident of Wellington, New Zealand, is known locally (although not very creatively) as "Blanket Man" because he goes around wrapped in a blanket. Hana was arrested on December 23 on allegations of cannabis possession and indecent...

2008 Lowering the Bar Awards

Posted on January 02, 2009
Now that 2008 is over, we can finally close the books on it and maybe try to evaluate some of the nonsense spawned during it. The following are my selections for those people and/or events that may have Lowered the...

Legislation That Comes Back to Bite You

Posted on January 02, 2009
Tim Smith has just been trying to help, but as always, no good deed goes unpunished.Smith witnessed a car accident Monday as he was riding his bike to the beach. (This happened in Fort Lauderdale, where people are still doing...

I'm Sorry, Doctor, But What Did You Say Your Name Was?

Posted on December 31, 2008
This item has been sitting in my file since I first saw it over a year ago, patiently waiting for me to come up with some legal angle to justify posting it here. I still don't see how to do...

Car-Wash Robber Has a Very Bad Day

Posted on December 30, 2008
Times are tough all over, tough enough that some have turned to crime who really have no aptitude for it. For example, the masked gentleman who tried to rob the Washman Autospa in Portland on December 30 Authorities said that...

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