Law Humor

June 1996 - My Father Which Was

Posted on July 30, 2009
June 1996 - My Father Which Was My GrandfatherFrom John E. Athey of Austin, this "document" which he found in the Real Property Records of Travis County (and which had been filed July 27, 1994).TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:I JAMES PATRICK WOLF II and JAMES PATRICK SHUFF III, are One of the same person...

December 1990 - I'm Glad We Cleared

Posted on July 29, 2009
December 1990 - I'm Glad We Cleared That Up: Bulls & SnakesFrom Farrell Bolz of Houston, these excerpts from "the deposition of [Huntly B. Farichild] an elderly landowner of Sunshine, LA, whose bull wandered through a gate and then highway fence, and was struck by my client's [truck] in the middle of an intersate highway...

October 2001 - The Potted Plant

Posted on July 28, 2009
October 2001 - The Potted Plant RuleFrom Thomas E. Quirk of San Antonio (Aaron & Quirk), this excerpt from a plaintiff's deposition in a case he is handling. Thomas adds: "We thought the client was wise to advise his lawyer properly."Q. Then what?A...

June 1985 - How Did the Accident

Posted on July 27, 2009
June 1985 - How Did the Accident Happen?This excerpt from an actual deposition originally appeared in the book "I Solemnly Swear" by Houston court reporter Jerry von Sternberg (Carlton Press, 1978).Q. What happened then?A. The last thing I remember I see a car up in the air, and I knew I was being turned...

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April 2001 - Classic TyposFrom

Posted on July 24, 2009
April 2001 - Classic TyposFrom Danna Mayhill of Athens, this typo from a response she received to her request for disclosure in a modification of custody case:Q. State the legal theories and in general, the factual basis of the claims or defenses of _____ Sims...

October 2000 - The Nothing ManFrom

Posted on July 23, 2009
October 2000 - The Nothing ManFrom Lyle H. Jeanes, II of Dallas (Paul B. Van Ness Associates), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in a personal injury car accident case. The plaintiff's counsel was Earl Drott of Tyler. Dennis Black of Tyler (Ramey & Flock) is asking the questions, starting with:Q...

June 2000 - The Word on the StreetFrom

Posted on July 22, 2009
June 2000 - The Word on the StreetFrom District Judge Robert P. Brotherton of Wichita Falls (30th District Court), this rather contentious "debate" during a deposition in a suit involving several defendants. Judge Brotherton adds: "In true Jack Webb fashion, the names have been changed to protect the innocent...

May 1999 - Did They Really Say

Posted on July 21, 2009
May 1999 - Did They Really Say That?From Jane Portis Davis of Texarkana (Jane is the legal assistant for J. David Crisp of Crisp, Jordan & Boyle), this excerpt from the deposition of an examining physician in an asbestosis case who gave this explanation of the plaintiff's shortness of breath:"...

June 1998 - May I Approach the

Posted on July 20, 2009
June 1998 - May I Approach the Witness?From Judge Scott Wisch of Fort Worth (372nd District Court), this excerpt from one of his criminal trials.Mr Platt: May I approach the witness, Judge?The Defendant: Yeah.The Court: Do you have a middle name that I don't know about?The Defendant: No...

October 1997 - Do You Speak English?From

Posted on July 17, 2009
October 1997 - Do You Speak English?From John Phillip Mustachio of Houston, this excerpt from the trial testimony of "the plaintiff, whose first language is Greek."Q. What I'm trying to do, Mr. Emmanouil, is to show that you have quite a bit of experience in owning and operating real estate, do you not?A...

December 1996 - Them HoesFrom William

Posted on July 16, 2009
December 1996 - Them HoesFrom William A. Bratton, III of Dallas, this excerpt from the examination of a government witness in a criminal case. Assistant U.S. Attorney Robert Webster is questioning the witness about some tape-recorded conversations she had with the defendant:Q...

June 1996 - Those ExpertsFrom D'Juanna

Posted on July 15, 2009
June 1996 - Those ExpertsFrom D'Juanna Parks of Beaumont/Port Arthur (Provost & Umphrey), this excerpt from the deposition of the treating physician of her client, the defendant.Q. But just based on your knowledge as a physician, some patients you would expect would not have back or neck injuries?A...

October 1995 - Well, How Did The

Posted on July 14, 2009
October 1995 - Well, How Did The Accident Happen?Q. How on earth did you come to get so completely intoxicated?A. I got in bad company. You see, there were four of us. I had a bottle of whiskey and the other three don't touch the stuff.

September 1994 - Classic Typos(1)

Posted on July 13, 2009
September 1994 - Classic Typos(1) From a full-page ad by a personal injury/products liability, etc. law firm in the Albuquerque, NM yellow pages:INSURED? We Can Help You. PROVEN RESULTS! 24 Hr. Service. Free Consultation. No Fee Until Successful (Costs May Be Additional)...

May 1994 - Did They Really Say

Posted on July 10, 2009
May 1994 - Did They Really Say That?From James R. Sutterfield of New Orleans (Hoffman, Sutterfield, etc.), this excerpt from the deposition of the plaintiff in a maritime personal injury case. Jim sets the stage by explaining: "We have all counseled our clients to tell the truth; we all know that criminal convictions are much more damaging when they are lied about first; and we have all been mistaken in what we thought we were told...

September 2001 - Case ContinuedFrom

Posted on July 09, 2009
September 2001 - Case ContinuedFrom District Judge Burt Carnes of Georgetown (368th Judicial District) this marvelous (!) "announcement of ready" that came from Ms. Sara Naylor at a Monday docket call - after "a particularly violent thunderstorm had rolled through the area...

June 2000 - Did They Really Say

Posted on July 08, 2009
June 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From William S. Hommel, Jr. of Tyler (McGee, Hommel & Starr), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in a personal injury case.Q. Do you have any idea what your condition is? ... I mean, some people say, "Well, I got a herniated disk in my back...

October 2000 - Did They Really

Posted on July 07, 2009
October 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From Thomas B. Alleman of Dallas (Winstead, Sechrest & Minick), this entry he found scribbled in the nurse's notes concerning a patient:3/28/98 - Spoke with wife who said, "He just bit me on the hand, fortunately he didn't have any teeth in...

October 1998 - Verbal Typo'sFrom

Posted on July 06, 2009
October 1998 - Verbal Typo'sFrom H. Deloyd Bailey of Provo, Utah - who is licensed to practice in Texas - this lawyer exchange which took place in his deposition of the doctor in a medical malpractice case.Mr. Mautz: All counsel here today are just, you know, we're really put out at the time you've taken over each one of those words...

December 1997 - Did They Really

Posted on July 02, 2009
December 1997 - Did They Really Say That?From Louis Scofield, Jr. of Beaumont (Mehaffy & Weber), this excerpt from the trial of a personal injury case "against a local establishment where they serve drinks and people dance."Q. Was there anyone else sitting at your table?A...

October 1997 - Do You Speak English?From

Posted on July 01, 2009
October 1997 - Do You Speak English?From Gerald T. Culver of Houston (Gerald is a certified fraud examiner, Special Crimes Bureau of the Harris County District Attorney's office), this marvelous (!!) excerpt from a motion for new trial hearing in a criminal case:Q...

October 2000 - What Kind of Medication

Posted on June 29, 2009
October 2000 - What Kind of Medication Is It?From Judge Richard A. Beacon, Jr. of Greenville (354th District Court), this excerpt from the voir dire examination by defense counsel Ron Ferguson during a felon-in-possession of a firearm trial.Mr. Ferguson: Anyone here have something that has to happen at 5:30? They've got to pick up the kids at daycare? Got to take medicine at 5:30? They've got to have dinner on the table at 6:00? No?Prospective Juror: I have to have medicine during the day, but I carry it with me...

January 2002 - Did They Really

Posted on June 26, 2009
January 2002 - Did They Really Say That?From Al Ellis of Dallas (Al is of counsel with Howie & Sweeney), this excerpt from ?a routine personal injury deposition? in which he received ?the final answer as to why the divorce occurred.?Q. What was the reason for your mom?s first divorce, if you know?A...

July 1999 - Praying with Judge

Posted on June 24, 2009
July 1999 - Praying with Judge Buddie HahnThe contribution from District Judge Buddie J. Hahn of Orange (260th Judicial District) that was printed in the May 1999 et cetera - where the defendant being sentenced said, "I would like to just bow in prayer before I start" - caused Rodney Price of Vidor to send me the following story:The account of Judge Buddie Hahn and the prayerful defendant brought to mind the Judge's own praying incident of several years ago...

November 1999 - Did They Really

Posted on June 23, 2009
November 1999 - Did They Really Say That?From Robert C. McCabe of Houston (Oldenettel & McCabe), this excerpt from the plaintiff's deposition in his suit against a real estate agent:My question is really simple: Is this listing agreement the one that related to the listing that this listing agreement relates to?

July 1993 - Did She Really Say

Posted on June 19, 2009
July 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Thomas S. Terrell of Kerrville, this excerpt from the deposition of the wife in a custody case:Q. Your husband says you smoke marijuana. Is that true?A. I quit.Q. Why did you quit?A. My attorney told me I would have to, if I wanted to get custody.

September 2000 - Scary SexFrom

Posted on June 18, 2009
September 2000 - Scary SexFrom Michael F. White of Killeen (Libersky & White), this revealing excerpt from his deposition of the wife in a temporary hearing in a divorce case involving [her] request for a restraining order.Q. You say that you are terrified and fearful of Mr...

October 1999 - Did They Really

Posted on June 17, 2009
October 1999 - Did They Really Say That?From Judge Joe M. Leonard of Greenville (196th District Court), this excerpt from "a hearing on a protective order."Judge Leonard: The state by their evidence is claiming family violence.Defendant: Yeah, that's why I was trying to show you guys, I mean...

May 1999 - Let's All Bow in PrayerFrom

Posted on June 16, 2009
May 1999 - Let's All Bow in PrayerFrom District Judge Buddie J. Hahn of Orange (260th Judicial District), this excerpt from the sentencing hearing in one of his cases:Defense Counsel: And have you asked me for the opportunity to address the judge, the jury, and the court about this particular incident?Defendant: That's correct...

Did They Really Say That? - October

Posted on June 15, 2009
Did They Really Say That? - October 2000From Bill Boyd of McKinney (Boyd & Veigel), this excerpt from a deposition he took.Q. Now, how many members of Lisa's family ... are there that are alive and around and that show up from time to time at family reunions or events?A...

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